. myosotis .

NEW SITE

2007-03-13T21:19:00.000+08:00

hello all,

please change your links!

i've moved to wordpress

http://mattemma.wordpress.com/

love,
emma

2007-03-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

hey people,

i'm not sure if i should revamp my blog, cause i might be joining the youth.sg blogging competition. will keep you all updated. meanwhile, please bear with the deafening silence here. a lil busy with work.

till the next time!

God Bless,
emma

2007-03-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

U (keyboard) fixed!

yay!

people! i fixed my u button finally!!! now it's working perfectly fine. guess how i did it? it's totally crazy! i stuffed a small ball of tissue paper into the contact area! and poof! uuuuuuuuuu can work again! hahahaha. YAY UUUUUUUUUUU :-)

okay, have to get back to work, see you all soon!

love,
emma U!

2007-03-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

hello people! no time to blog yesterday and today.

this is a quick summary: drumming is FUN! and i got a new printer from the fair :-)

see you all soon.

with love,
emma

2007-03-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

hey people,

my "u" on the keyboard is still being naughty, so yo might see many missing "u"s today as i type faster. look the naughty is a great example.

drumming course today was a little harder, had a lil difficulty catching p, but with more practice, i progressed slowly and was finally able to play the 8-beat rock groove. i think drumming is good, helps yo train your coordination and left-right brain synchronization, might make yo smarter too! haha. after drums today, i stayed in the library to read some magazines and subsequently fell asleep, to the extent that i have no idea what was going on around me. even when dao yuan came beside me to do his homework, i was oblivious! of course, until i woke up. later, i went to meet Mrs. Sim for hrp. we discussed hrp proper till about 4 plus, then we chatted a bit. it's really fun and insightful, because yo don't usually get chances like these. the content is private and confidential, muahaha. much gratitude to her for spending her part of her afternoon with me :-)

after that, i went home, it started drizzling on the bus while i was travelling back. but as usual, i fell asleep along the way, hmpf, was supposed to read books though. lazy lazy me. mhmm, it seems like i have already entered holiday mood, and that's not good at all, i have to psycho myself to do more work. there are so much to do, and i have yet to complete any, have to speed up the pace already.

for today, i would actually like to discuss the contradiction of action. before talking about it, one has to really define what is being selfless. what is being selfless really? does it mean to show a total lack of concern to yourself and place others higher up the priority list or does it just mean to give whatever yo can without compromising yourself too greatly? i'm not very sure myself what is the "correct" definition, but i do believe that true selflessness is about realising that others are more important than you, and believing in the notion that your actions can eventually make a difference in a way or another. although i would admit that this seems impossible (i couldn't do it too), but there are life examples. mother theresa is one rare gem that display this quality. selfishness is a rampant disease. at least it's the way i view it to be. selfishness causes people to turn away and become pessimists, even for the idealists. this is due to the fact that due to the presence of such individuals, those who really want to pursue the greater good would meet a lot of obstruction along the way. selfishness is a tripping stone to kindness. and i believe that it would generate a chain effect that turns everyone into apathetic individuals. there's only one way to stop this from worsening, that is to stay firm to yor own belief. i'm not sure if i'm correct, but no one would want to do bad purposely, most at least. so, that means that there is s possibility of causing a positive change in each person, because he/she is born with a potential of doing both good and bad, and so, positive influence would probably make him a better person as well. although each of us might seem to be a negligible existence of this world. about 1 in 6.6 billion? in maths, that fraction could be classified to be negligible in certain cases. however, it's also this almost negligible existence that could caus great impact on the 6.6 billion people. i believe that purpose spreads. every action that a person does has a certain purpose, and this purpose could either inspire or delude others. such is the power of choice, to seek the truth or delusion. now what is truth some would ask. i have no idea myself. but i guess one day, when we leave this world and stand before the true judge, then we would finally understand.

well, every change needs an action, each initial action needs a person. why not be you? you can make a difference. just believe, and accomplish it.

hope this post generate new ideas and questions, i like to keep questions open-ended :-D hope i'll be able to touch on this again

God bless!
emma

2007-03-05T22:51:00.000+08:00

hey people,

won't be blogging long today cause of a serious lack of time. pardon me.

DRUMMING is FUN! i enjoyed my whole day today. WHOLE. but i find it kinda hard to keep up though, cause i don't have any musical background anf stuff, so the beats and striking often go haywire. but still, drumming is fun. after school, i stayed back to complete chinese compo, was so tired that i slept while doing it.. after that i rushed to macritchie after extending the datelines of some books.

i was a little late. was on the same bus as shuren and mervyn. training today was okay, but i've got this feeling that i shrunk by a least a few inches. haha

there're so many things i want to talk about today... about existence, about God, about love and relationship, about truthfullness and being you at your purest state. but i guess i might not have the time to actually go throught every single one of them.

well, let's start with an easier topic in the list (all of them are kinda... ummm... intermediate) let's talk about the contradictions and confusions of love and relationship in general. when it comes to love (not limited to BGR), it can really give a huge dilemmas sometimes, especially when it comes to caring about a certain person. some people say that love is about letting go, letting the person to be free. however, on the other hand, can you imagine a relationship where no one actually, well, cares? i can't. of course, it is an undeniable truth that these are rather extremist views and that different situations call for different responses. but the big problem that's always stuck in my mind is: when, how and sometimes why. when should you give concern to someone. because, your concern might be misinterpreted by him/her and she/he might find you to be an irksome, irritating bugger. the when factor is really the key sometimes as people in different moods and emotions will translate care in different ways. well, i guess everyone knows that, and so i guess i won't talk about it. well, i guess next time when you're angry or plainly having a really bad day, do try to refrain from allowing your emotions take the better of you, and allow it to take full control. when that happens, you'll get yourself stuck deep down in a pot of really hot soup, and i guess you would not want that. always remember, one wrong move would lead to a unprecedented effect. so do always try to make sure that yor choices are not made on impulse and to think compassionately and considerately. notice i did not use logically as i feel most people think with their minds but almost never with their hearts. what matters to them is their own welfare and their own business. hence, do try to pt yourselves in other's shoes sometimes, and try to empathise with them their suffering and needs. when yo can accomplish that feat, you'll become a great friend, because you wouldn't want to cause harm to the people arond you. i guess there's a rule of thumb, however you want others to treat you, treat them in the same way. through experience, i found out that persistence and perserverance on yor part, with the power of God, has the power to change how others feel and react towards you. it's never too late to try! i do hope mine is not an excluded case! haha.

oh no, just by talking about "when", i have already deviated so much :-( okay, back to my second point - how? due to the fact that technology has enabled us to have an intricate system of communication and advanced communication devices, one could be shrouded in confusion when it comes to which medium to use. sms, calling, email, looking for the person face-to-face, video call, etc. there are so many modes now. well, i guess the most sincerest and loving form of communication should be less than an arm's length, meaning that i feel close contact concern is something that would be more easily accepted and appreciated, but of course, it is also much harder to accomplish. of course, the emotions of the receiver of your kindness would be a large factor as well, but do always try to be forgiving and understanding that no one is perfect, including you and i. remember that it might just be a bad day for him/her, or just that someone else really disappointed or angered him/her. so try to be forgiving, even when they might be unreasonable. well, just try yor very very best, because i do understand that it is really hard sometimes, even for myself.

and now, to my last point, why. sometimes, although it seems weird, it's good to rationalise your care for someone. actually, seriously speaking, i have yet to understand this at all. so.. does anyone like to comment on the "why" of care. haha, sounds weird.. mhmm, maybe my last point is invalid afterall, cause as they say, "love is blind", and i fully agree. i guess love calls for no rationale and reason.

mhmm, i know my coverage is not very complete, and that it's definitely not perfect and it's just my personal point of view, but i do hope it might help a little.

sigh, at the end of the day, i still think i'm unable to grasp it still. well, i guess i forgot to mention something really important, actions speak louder than words. use your actions to justify your concern. blank talk is really, just empty and dry by itself.

well, seems like i have much to do as well :-) will try to discuss the other topics next time! see you!

withlove,
emma

P.S. forgive me for some words cause my "u" isn't working properly, have to smack it really hard

2007-03-04T23:30:00.000+08:00

peek-a-BOO people,

today was like every other sunday (almost)

i woke up late again :-( fortunately, pap sent me to church on his good ole bikey. and so i wasn't late. upon reaching, i had confession with Fr. Edward Lim, haven't had one since confirmation. was a great chance so i went for it. i am so proud of myself, i have finally been able to kick away that ominous bad habit of mine finally. of course, with the good grace of the almighty. Oh Lord, i pray that you will still bless me with your strength and will :-)

so, after that, i attended mass with mib, cassie, christine and brenda. i received holy communion today cause i felt better. i think i really need to pay greater attention during masses.

so after that, we went down to the canteen, but almost all the food were gone by then, the food didn't last long today and so i have two guesses: 1, less than usual or 2, more tasty and yummy! whatever the case, we weren't able to get anything.

during post-confi classes today, we had a junior cat to speak to us. teacher pam also told us of other ministries that we might be interested to join. teacher gabriel will be leaving us though :-( he wold be handling the year 1s this year. best wishes and prayers to him. during the end of class, we received our confirmation certificates, it doesn't have our confirmation names though... weird. my brother told me to look for teacher pam next week again.

must start mugging CCC (catechism of the catholic church) teacher pam said it would probably take about a year or two, but i hope i could finish it by the close of the year.

haha, i feel really lazy today. haven't done anything much. sigh sigh matthew, you ought to change for the better. if not, you would regret it in future.

hey everyone, especially the young ones, always remember that would only live your 16th, 17th, 18th year once. yes, once. time only allows you one shot, so try not to take the wrong path, as yo might regret it in future. it's been 16 plus plus years since i've been born. there are a lot of things i have yet to accomplish and realise. what is my purpose, who i really am. i'm not exactly sure. i guess with the aid of God, i would eventually know my fate, and my destiny. so do always remember to carpe diem, to seize your day, and make full use of every day, hour and minute.

well, i guess i'll be stopping here for today. bye bye

God bless,
emma

2007-03-04T01:21:00.000+08:00

hey all,

i'll revive all my blogging escapades! starting from today.

so sorry that i wasn't able to go to ps in time guys. could only blame myself for being lazy and uhmmm, ambitious?

okay, besides that, i've gotta thank godpa for fetching me to rissa's place. when i reached her house, they weren't back from ps yet. heard they were on the bus. so i helped uncle with the barbecue preparations. thank God the rain finally stopped :-) anyway, i called them later and asked them when they were returning, and they told me that they were on the bus.

was really really hungry then, haven't had my breakfast yet, truthfully speaking that is, cause oreo biscuits don't count as breakfast right, haha. so i went to the petrol kiosk to get something. and i still got chips in the end, some japanese label thing that has MSG!!! noooo! chose the wrong one. after that i waited at the bus stop for their arrival. it took quite long, and later they finally came.

jie was chatting with me the time they weren't there yet. so sorry i wasn't able to make it. will see you soon! sister and brother forever! no less.

after they came, we continued preparation, had dinner, talked and had fun with oro, rissa's new puppy. it has got fatter XP

sheng long, yufei and charles came first, then bryan then carol :-P it was great being able to meet up with old friends, it's like deja vu-ish, same house, same people, it's feels very close, and heart-warming.

bryan and i stayed till really late. he had a hangover, a bad one in fact. he counldn't take alcohol, ostensibly rather sensitive to it.

so while watching tee-vee, rissa and i chatted a bit, and bryan snoozed away on bed. at about 12 plus, we left for home. had a great time myself.

they're somethings that we don not realise around us, and are the things that we do not realise more dangerous that the things that we do notice? i think it really depends. sometimes, i hoped i could selectively read other's minds, so i could tell what i should and shouldn't do, what they needed, and what they wanted. nut i guess if i had such omniscience, then i wouldn't be on earth anymore. God's gift don't appear to me in such ways, i guess he gives me more subtle presents, ones that people don't usually notice, but i still appreciate it.

there's one major flaw with me, and i really hope i couldn banish it to a foreign land. pride kills you. it's slow, yet fatal. the red hat, is very powerful. it could drive you to achieve something great, but cause you to spin out of control sometimes, especially when you've got a huge head. a pride plus anger combination spells only trouble. this is when the power of thought comes it.

thought has the power to change. thinking and reasoning with yourself acts both as a postmortem of every thing you have done, and also reminds you what you should and should not do i future. fall once, twice, thrice, but at the end of they day, learn from it, battle it, and with the help of the Almighty, defeat it. think, believe and you'll succeed. always think positive, for that could change your whole life, and probably your destiny. everything that comes to us daily has no polarity, it's us who decides what is its nature, and this is when the power of thought and choice comes in. so do make your choices wisely always, because you never know where this might eventually lead you too.

the future is full of limitless opportunities and chances, just try not to miss all of them. i believe God will show the way.

well, i guess i'll stop here for today.

i start back at one,
emma

2007-03-03T17:10:00.000+08:00

new blog, new post!

hello everyone, to my new old blog.

so much has happened over the past few months.

so so much eh?
haha, much thanks to bel for the present. i can't bear to actually eat it! haha

anyway, this template is done by me (again) muahahaha!

living life well now. lotsa things done, lotsa things undone too.

working on my new animation project, blue hour. will tell you guys soon about it.

arhhh, HRP! COMPO! bleahhh

hope you all are coping well and living life happy :-)

God Bless us all

2006-12-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

peek a BOO!

i'm back. not for good (yet) . just writing a brief summary of what i did over the past few weeks.

SIGH! holidays are ending so so soon. why does it always end so fast??? and so many things left undone.. next year's research papers, ACE projects and even project work! i'm not sure what to do =(

someone give me a story for my animation! please please please! i can't think of anything original and interesting.

Well, during the holidays, i spent my time doodling, going overseas, CHURCH! and lots of other outings and stuff.

First i flew to India, New Delhi. the ladies from Uttam school for Girls hosted us during our stay of 9 days... if i don't remember wrongly that is.

Then i came back. had training for awhile, then flew off again the Hong Kong! went up to Shen Zhen and Guang Zhou as well. it was a great experience traveling with my mom. although there were blips and blunders along the way. and one unhappy argument, everything ended happily ever after (:

then i came back. and it's so late already.

for those who might be interested, the photos that i took overseas could all be found here:

http://picasaweb.google.com/noobive

well, it was holidays well spent for me (excluding the worrisome stuffs that is)

HOW BOUT YOU?

love always,
emma

2006-10-22T16:17:00.000+08:00

hello people!

now... where was i. oh, yupp, was talking about princess hours.

haha, i'm kinda lost now. really don't know what to write. sigh, Mrs. Mok and my good ole, best form teacher i've ever met Ms. Foo is leaving too...

mhmm, will get back to you guys.

love,
~ emma

2006-10-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

hey people,

i haven't blogged for such a long time now. so brace yourselves! this is going to be very long.

so much has happened since i last blogged. just so so much. i guess it would be almost impossible to pen everything that i've done over these days.

something i have to say. i MUST say is that, princess hours is a really good show, i'm like addicted to it and the characters. especially the main character shin chaegyung. well, who is she? you all may be asking. she is a very ordinary, yet special girl. the reason(s) for loving her are vague, because you won't know exactly how you would fall in love with her. it might be her naivete, or perhaps her frank but never caustic personality, or perhaps both. it could also be due to her unwavering spirit towards the ones she love, or maybe the way she would always cry due to a plethora of reasons. she's a soft hearted person but also tries to act brave, so as to not worry the people that she loves. she might seem really weird sometimes, but her heart fills up not by love for herself, but for others.

there're many things that i've learnt from her. watching this show is almost like taking a life lesson, about love, marriage and what giving is all about. everytime she gives her all to the ones around her, emptying her heart until it is so dry, and so thirsty, yearning for love to actually come and heal all her pain. but time and time again, all she got in return was hurt, more hurt and even more hurt. there was once she broke down, and she changed. she became pessimistic, she started to think too much and all the hurting feelings and thoughts would start flowing into her mind, breaking her heart even more, making her bleed and tear like the flowing river. but at last, love finally had an answer, all her pain and suffering has caused a change in the person she truly loves, and they could finally find solace in each other's hearts. it's not easy, the path she took, but she had never gave up, and that eventually led her heart back home.

i guess everyone needs love. everyone yearns for someone to care, someone to notice them. just look at the purest of hearts, infants, the way they would often cry out for their parents for comfort and security. everyone needs this comfort. children get this from their parents, wives get this from their husbands, and priests get it from God above (i think). my main point is, you could never get love by keeping it, only by giving it, you would eventually receive it. be aware of those who loves you, discreet or blatant, cause although they might tell themselves they they ask for no returns, their cup could only be filled up by love.

after watching the show, at least now i know what i expect in a real relationship, and fortunately or unfortunately (i'm not exactly sure) it made me think about who i want to spend the rest of my life with, or at least, the personality of the other half of me in future.

i'm just so immersed in the love.

(ahh, if i sound really dumb, really sorry)

i'll continue tomorrow cause i've got to go. so this isn't the end of this post. see ya then!

byebye

love,
emma

2006-09-23T15:13:00.000+08:00

DECADENT

they're always on top of fashion,
thinking they're the best creation.
they feign God,
but they forgot they too will rot.

they roam the streets at night,
breaking the rules, thinking it's "might".
they could, shall and will be defiant,
but they are ever reliant.

they're all obfuscated,
all thrown into the fog society created.
they end up being indie,
but could never grow up, stuck at kiddy.

they indulge in hedonism.
relativism and materialism,
that's their religion.
besides crapping, they're just silent.

they couldn't live without a "dear"
but they treat each other like gear.
always showing them off to others,
but never putting enough for their partner.

they throw each other away,
leaving no memories to stay.
all that they've done,
is all about "fun".

they've no feelings.
they care only bout their living.
money, pretty and hip,
it's smeared all over their lip.

they look into the mirror,
and see their face, like flowery petals.
are they really beautiful?
no, their hearts are never full.

they never understand what's beauty.
they think it's something pretty.
they think it's all about the outside,
but the truth is, it lies inside.

they judge the others,
based on what they see in the mirrors.
they are the bencemark.
how foolish, how they always bark.

oh decadent, decadent,
turn thy ways to heaven.
please stop walking towards the nether,
WAKE UP, before the next, you enter.

---

not sure if you guys would understand, but it's my thoughts about... i'll let you guess. those who could guess correctly. i'll give you a prize? (kidding)

love,
~ emma

2006-09-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

hey people,

i guess it'd be good posing this. looking at victor's post. or at least the reminiscence of another post, i could see how words that actually don't really matter to you, words that are discreetly hurting people and spoiling relationships, sometimes come out with little thought placed in it. there's one solution for this. before you say or do something. think about the other person. think about how you'd feel if you were him or her. putting yourself in other's shoes. that's the sincerest form of empathy, of understanding, and probably the most selfless way of friendship.

little things come in a big way. sometimes you don't realise it, thinking that it is really insignificant and irrelevant to your current situation. but no. remember, most things occur in present perfect tense. meaning that a certain thing you have done many years ago, the impact, repurcussion or effect might still be well kept until today. perhaps it was obloquy, perhaps it was contempt or something positive. but always remember that try to do things for others. i only realised the rationale of this really recently. if you could live by helping others live, you'll find more meaning in life, and more meaning to continue this long journey ahead that would eventually end quite soon.. have to start drilling my soul to put myself in other's emotions, psyche, and minds. not that i want to control their minds or something, but on the other hand, to try to understand them more and make them less obscure to me. i'm sure life would be much more opalescent in this way.

i guess only time would reveal the truth and the answers.

love,
~ emma

2006-09-21T22:28:00.000+08:00

Hello people!

i actually blogging! mhmm, i can't really believe it myself. but oh wells, i guess the reality is more bizarre that the myth. haha, i thought i told myself i wasn't going to write until after the exams. much has happened during these few days. A LOT is fact.

Around the world, there was the Iranian nuclear issue, the Pope enraging the Muslim world, there was also the death of Steve Irwin, favourite crocodile hunter in the world. Basically, just somuch has happened since i took a break.

In the country, there was the whole IMF thing, cases of teachers molesting students, what else? Singapore Idol? i guess it's just not the hulabaloo it was.

In my community, Zheng Ning's birthday, Yanlin's birthday, Jingyi/Vivien's birthday this Sunday. Godma fell ill. Met new friends too, Joey and Lara. let's see if i missed out anything... i guess that's about it?

In me, turned very realistic suddenly, hungry (not the physical one) and somehow, very overwrought. mhmm, i guess it's all the pre-exam woes. I caught the flu buggy too..

Today, is a okay day. not because it was only a mildly bad hair day, but because things went well, things went bad too.

I woke up at 5 plus this morning. at about 5.30. i woke up thrice consecutively over three minutes, time passed quite slowly then. then i crawled out of bed and almost went to get prepared. but instead, i went to the sofa and fell asleep. woke up 15 minutes later and eventually went to brush my teeth. changed, got outta home.

Went on the bus, sat down on the seat, empty mind, tired body. reached the stop, got out of bus, waited for 852. got on 852, took out english spelling list and starting studying really hard for it. apparently till i eventually slept! bleargh. woke up and strutted my way back to class. did more studying in class, and then moved on to the social studies essay i've not done. soon was flag-raising, but i managed to get the essay ready though. nothing much happened later until... first period was maths, followed by... umm, social studies, which i continued studying english spelling and then english! we're not tested on spelling though. it's been postponed to next week. then recess! nick helped me put the plates. Thanks! nothing else really happened. then physics! we went through a water waves exercise, which i did really badly in. really really badly. i got 7 out of 8 wrong! >< haha. i guess i'm still not that proficient as physics yet. Ms. Chien didn't come today (again?) then a relief teacher came to take over. somehow the relief teacher looks like she was from SCGS. she really doesn't look twenty. look so pinch-able, if you get what i mean. then there were weird guys who were playing the high-pitched handphone thing in class. Come on, she's only slightly over twenty, she could hear it. besides, do they actually ask themselves why they were actually doing that? why? why? why? always ask youself why. why you're doing this, doing that. why you're in this dimension. ask why you're here. your purpose will eventually stem from there. your purpose comes from you exploring yourself, searching your within.

ask yourself questions you've never encountered. dare challenge the difficult, things are only difficult because you dare not. thanks Mr. Tieu for that inspiration. then after that was chinese double period. i did something really wrong though --- i was doing math during her class. sorry... really gotta do something about chinese! GAMBATE.

after "lunch" was the really looong chemistry period. was still doing math then. oh, before i forget, i want to bring up something. compromises and giving in. they ensure a good relationship. trust too, is rather mandatory. make sure it's in you and your connections. love could eventually flow. love keeps the world spinning, love keeps everyone going.

after that, i waited for Godpa to come. i realised something. when you're lonesome and need someone close to you. it sometimes do not matter if they are actually close to you. when you need that presence of a "someone else near" to make sure you're not actually alone, you go for the nearest, most convenient answer. not sure if this happens to everyone. though.

Godpa came, and we went to the good ole' Bukit Timah Food Centre for dinner. Had economical rice and fishball soup AND soya bean curd. thumbs up for the rice, double thumbs up for the soya bean curd. the fishball soup was just okay, the fishballs were almost overcooked. the soya bean is really really good. when it's hot, it actually melts, literally, in your mouth! that feeling is really... oooh... haha.

need to exercise! getting fat! getting flabby. oh! still ill. bleah.

shall stop here now. gotta go sleep soon.

not sure what are the plans for tmr.. but i still anticipate it!

with lotsa love,
~ emma

2006-09-21T21:50:00.000+08:00

TIME

Time changes everything,
it changes the way you think,
it alters your pursuit in life.
Changes the dance, from waltz to jive.

In the blink of an eye,
everything's passed, without a "why".
Now, chase those fond memories,
before they cease to exist.

Time heals.
Relationships sweeten, it will.
The pain and suffering,
might soon not be anything.

Wounds recover,
and the aching really isn't forever.
But remember to let it breathe,
else any cure would be a myth.

Time matures.
Sometimes it's even a measure,
for how wise you are,
is your journey enough thus far.

As you walk through the hills and valleys,
ever falling till you hoped for fairies.
You learn from every stumble,
realising you get nothing from grumble.

Time,
everyone tries to make it rhyme.
But remember, it's two sides, like a dime,
And, never make it a mime.

---

For Victor, my frank friend who never ceases to give me surprises and also disappointment. You are one of the reasons i'm me today! Thanks (:

love,
~ emma

2006-09-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

Hello people!

i'm finally blogging! haha, finally... umm, today there was AEP workshop! we managed to live through it! or rather, we managed to actually complete a trailer in one day! just one day. now that's quite a feat to accomplish. met new friends! belinda from njc, also from canoeing! and she somehow reminds me of yanlin, but she always smiles! petit cutie, very lovable. then there's kai ying from nyjc. she's the camera-woman for the day. hardworking =P and, desiree! from CHIJ toa payoh, she acted as the sought-for-lady in the trailer. nicholas! from victoria school. one nice lad, small eyes, really tall, in scouts! haha, he's kinda fun to be around with.

thanks so much people! you made my day (:

so what happened in detail today was that there was a combined workshop held for aep students in singapore. aep students in sec 3 and JC 1. i reached late today! =S

at first we sat down together, and silence reeked the entire atmosphere.. well, not that dramatic, cause there were other groups all around. i'm exaggerating >< but later the ideas started to come in. first we had an idea about.. umm, let me try to think... oh, the first idea was about this latecomer thing. oh, we picked "action" as our genre. well, we didn't pick it. but we took that lot. the title was "The Teenager". our second idea was about some superhero apprentice that eventually became a larger-than-life superhero! the third was regarding bullying in school. our idea was a little mix of the second and third. it was about this nerdy guy. he admired this girl in school. and one day a bully came along and bullied the girl. the nerd was really angry and went to confront the bully but lost. then somehow he manages to get a secret kungfu manual thing. he trained and eventually turned into some superhero of sorts. yupp. that's the gist of it. the trailer's really cool, although it's really funny and quite full of flaws here and there...

but i would like to really thank you guys for all the effort put in! THANKS!

oooh, i would like to see what's an agrometer!

AND AND, one last thing. i HIGHLY recommend "Tuesdays With Morrie" don't hesitate to borrow it from libraries. it should be there. CAL Number: 378.12092 ALB. it's really good. shall elaborate next time.

see ya soon!

Love,
~emma

2006-08-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

hey people..

please pray for my godma's friend's wife. she has cancer, 4th stage.

life is just so fragile, more brittle than a thin sheet of glass. so treasure life and the ones around you. life is the ultimate gift from God, do not abuse it.

mhmm, nothing much happened today. just that i forgot to umm, bring extra for training today. BASICALLY, i thought training has already suspended, but i found out i was wrong when i went to ask my juniors. mhmmm, ask my juniors.. ><

-CENSORED- (proceed to next paragraph)

yupp, so i went for training in PE attire AND i didn't bring an extra set of *ahem*s. so after training, all the way till i showered... it felt really soggy? sorry for the outrageously disgusting post.

Oh, these are my strengths based on Strengths Quest profiling test.

Developer, Empathy, Connectedness, Restorative and Positivity!

mhmm, must still polish these strengths. most of them are still weak and unstable.

let's see, what else happened? umm umm, OH! we received Cadbury Zip chocolates from Miss Foo today! mine was strawberry flavour and it tasted really great! thanks Ms. Foo! Miss Foo is our class form teacher by the way.

exams coming soon, got to start preparing for it. all the best for your exams and tests! i'll be praying (: or at least i would try.

AND, i grew fat ):
but that's besides the point. the point is ummm, i have to be less lazy! arghhh! ><

this is random but..
when something doesn't go your way in life, do not be angry, instead, be glad that you found an alternative method OR you've learnt from your mistake. sometimes you could choose to commit a mistake, sometimes you unknowingly do it, sometimes you just can't get rid of it. BUT in all cases, never give up hope and keep on learning, strengthen yourself from the falls. moreover, you could choose how you want to react. you could turn depressed or angry but you could also smile or laugh it away and take it as a joke, or something that didn't go this or that way.

there's just so much more to life

love,
~emma

2006-08-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

heyy people,

my second post of the day.

i'll just like to say that i enjoyed this week that i've just spent. although it might seem cloudy, i guess there is still light at the end. i thank all the indian girls who came and didn't blame me for being such a lousy host. thanks to all the SCGS girls too, for bearing with my somewhat cold attitude. i wasn't very high throughout this week. hope y'all would understand. it's something very confusing. haha, i don't think most would understand. oh, thanks also for ALL the presents. i really appreciate them. so sorry i didn't get some for you =
besides, all the best for everything ahead. and see you girls in October for India and probably next year for the SCGS girls. we could still meet up somehow though...

i finally realise why i felt so empty. it's due to a memory shouting out from the deepest areas of my heart. they're telling me to look back, turn around and see something that was left behind..

i turned my head and realised that there were smitthereens of shiny particles shattered all over the ground. curious, i walked towards it, with nervousness and a little fear. but as i got close to it. i started crying.. it was a photo. what photo most of you might be asking right now. well... it's a photo of everyone in SLC, all the OT, all the facs, all the participants and all the other priceless people. it was shattered into pieces, into fragments. it's time to fix it back together, to uphold the promises we have made. remember, no goodbyes right? so why is everyone totally almost disconnected?

i thought the promise would link us back into one big picture. but i guess the puzzle would not be complete without a little help. can't you see everyone is drifting further away? into their own realms. soon, we would just be pass by and say hi type of "friends". in my opinion, friends are people you could trust, you could love and people you would do anything for.

don't let it fade, don't let it dissolve in the busy lives that deludes us from what is true.

true friendship would prevail. i have faith. God, help us.

Friends have X-ray vision. they do not judge who you are by your outsides, but your insides. they are the ones who stick to their own right and views about you although others speak otherwise. they are the ones who would trust you when no one does. and they are the ones who are always there for ya. thanks to everyone that was always there. that includes everyone from my family too.

haha, i'm saying till this seems like some eulogy. it's all true...

walking down the memory lane,
all i feel is pain.
scars embedded in my heart.

love,
~emma

2006-08-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh...

i don't know why, but i just feel so empty again. the post-slc blues are coming back. and i've no idea why at all. everything was fine until i look back at the lights of the airport, beaming into my eyes. i really have no idea why it just came so sudden. i feel so weird and lost...

BLUE

We exchanged a goodbye,
without much of a sigh.
No tears, no pain,
just feel the wane.

The past few days,
she says,
just flies by.
But none cry.

As I leave the landmark,
i did not leave my mark.
But as i turned my eyes,
i just heard cries,

From the bottom of my heart.
i really don't know what.
i turn back into reality.
the other side could only pity.

The lights escape my sight,
but the pain is still uptight.
i watched the sky,
who asked me why.

i could not answer,
i could not mutter.
all i knew what was true,
was that the inside was blue.

---

Hope you'll like it. hope that you might be able to understand too.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

that's better...

love,
emma

2006-08-25T00:21:00.000+08:00

Hello PEOPLE!

i can finally blog cause i will be at home for one day =P so many things to say... but most are really bad.. very bad indeed.

woah, time flies really fast. and i can't really remember all the happenings. but this is the gist of it all.

FRIDAY

went for training. we did abs training and ran quite a bit about 4.2 plus 1.2 km, according to Joseph.. so that makes it about ummm, 7 k at leasy i guess. then i ran another 4.2 cause i had to leave early. so that makes it 4.2 + 1.2 + 4.2 = 9.6 k, according to joseph. i left early and scrambled home. i haven't packed my bag! ohoh, godpa and godma came to fetch me back! thanks! and i still got to say that the orchids are just gorgeous. thanks so so much. love you always.

so they drove me back home and i quickly packed, ate and showered. then i quickly left for boarding school. got out the orchids. and found out i was sleeping at E3/07 with desmond, zhao rui and luther. Block E, 3rd floor, room 7. we took out beds, unpacked, and slept (i think) not very sure though.

AND OH! did i mention i flunked my math test? yes i did

SATURDAY

woke up later than the assigned time and again scrambled. went to collect the flowers from the general office and quickly went to the multi-storey carpark then went back cause i found out the bus was actually waiting outside boarding school. then we went to changi airport to fetch the Uttam girls. we fetched them, and got back to school. in the afternoon we went to little india and had lunch at "The Ganges" some branched out fine dining buffet restaurant from Komala's. then we went shopping at Mustafa! or at least, we followed the girls around. mhmmm, i'm still trying to remember their names >< bad bad me... then we went back to BS to have dinner. i'm not sure what happened at night though... lemme try to remember.. if i'm not wrong, alf, junxin, vic and i went to play basketball! BASKETBALL --- i haven't touched it for like months... haha. then we went to KAP and i got me SOYA BEAN =P wheee, then i went back to BS. and i found out i was locked out by desmond from the room! so i called alf and i slept over in his room.

SUNDAY

based on my memory, i remember myself waking up in alfred's room. i didn't wake them up (alf and eric) and i tried to go back to my room. but i found out it was STILL locked! arghhh. GOSH! then i realised i couldn't go back to alf's room cause i couldn't open the gate for the 2nd level. so in the end i went to eat breakfast, fortunately, it was almost breakfast time then. i went to the dining area and found out breakfast would be ready in 5 minutes time. so i waited a while but soon breakfast was ready. then i went to eat breakfast! umm, forgot what i ate... then i went to the washroom for the biggie... and guess what? i slept on it. (i mean the toilet) by the time i woke up, it's 7 plus 8 already. i went into the toilet at around early 7! o.o don't ask me how, i don't know myself. so after that i went to the room and found out it wasn't locked anymore! whee? then i scrambled again and rushed to church. attended mass with poor erica that day. she was still ill =
then we went for catechism classes. sigh~ sometimes relationships can get really nasty and unpredictable.. really, a relationship can't continue for long without trust. without trust, it's really hard to go through everything together.

AND bel didn't go cat class this week =
so after church i went back home and slept! hahahaha. later i left, took 852 there. i oversleot on the bus again! and i quickly went back to meet wenbo. i forgot to get the notes! but oh wells, wenbo said it's fine. phew~

at BS, i did the reflections for HRP and went for dinner. soon after, the rest came back with the Indian girls from sentosa. after that i couldn't remember much that we did.

MONDAY

woke up early today and met up with the Uttam girls. Alf introduced them to the school. SCGS girls also came today. i still don't know a lot of em. nicole was there too, she was the one who gave the address. then i went to meet wenbo after flag raising, we handed in HRP, placed it on Mrs. Sim's table. then i went to MD Specialists with wenbo. their attachment is just plain cool... later i left or else i would have been for my own attachment. went back to BS... wait a minute... did i oversleep again? not very sure =\ so i went back to BS to meet oon beng and ziang and we left for our IA. went to Jurong Student Service Centre. we were late because we went for lunch. and we got to know hweei min! our lovely facilitator. we got separated into our groups too! publicity and opreations. the three of us went into publicity while xing yun and gino went into operations.

i guess i'll just skip to wednesday cause nothing much happened on tues just that i got to know a lil bit more about SCGS girls but that's besides the point.

WEDNESDAY

woke up at about 10 plus again and went for IA. after IA, i quickly rushed to PS to meet the rest.

BAD THING THAT HAPPENED #1: i missed the bus going to PS, so i had to take 171 and changed to mrt. fortunately i had the iPod or else i would have died.

BAD THING THAT HAPPENED #2: something so bad i wouldn't wanna talk about it.

BAD THING THAT HAPPENED #3: a big large glass fell onto the escalator near us...

thank you luther, nicole and yihui for looking at me eat. i overate these few days... got to cut down on my diet =
SUPER BAD THING THAT HAPPENED #4: being locked out by 3 room mates again.

whatever. i don't wanna comment at all LARH

- postmortem -

so after all that, i realised something. i'm changing. changing back to something ugly. well... not physically but spiritually and emotionally... sigh~

i need more of God. i need to feel the presence of God around me...

i need to be nicer.. less bad feelings and anger =
mhmmm... less bad words (not f-words, but s-words and other weird stuffs)

more of the older me i respect more.

more giving in.

less vengeful thoughts.

a deeper thinker.

a more sensitive person.

someone isn't a downright hypocrite.

someone who really knows who he is, and remain himself always at all circumstances.

i hate the jerk in me. and most people who knows me would know how little i use the word "hate"

i wanna discharge. but i can't.. i just don't understand why.

i love you all. really

love,
emma

2006-08-14T23:41:00.000+08:00

hello people!

i finally realised the best part about keeping your receipts. will elaborate later.

now, first things first, stuff that happened today!

as usual, i wasn't able to wake up initially, then with constant coaxing from mom, i was finally able to wake up. i was almost late for school today =\ didn't expect the bus to crawl today. went to get the newspapers after flag raising.

school was relatively okay today. oh! about physics retest, should be able to get satisfactory marks! (: and i got an idea for project next year. it would be something to do with facades and the use of different faces, however, this use of facades would dilute your true self and kill it.

OKAY, now for the most important thing of today's post. the best part about keeping receipts!

today, i managed to get all the receipts i collected and looked through them... my oh my... now i finally realise the good thing about keeping them - memories. as i looked through them, i saw my days in bukit timah plaza, studying with shirin, and getting logistics for leadership camp. sigh~ those fond memories just come flooding back into my mind. i guess there are just some things that you will never be able and never want to let go of or forget. these are the things i treasure deep in my heart, my friends, my family and my memories. nothing would separate us.

sorry, very short post today =\ but i hope it is thought-provoking

love,
emma

2006-08-13T18:25:00.000+08:00

heyy people,

it's been a long time since i jotted. mhmm, becoming really lazy these days, almost wanna give up blogging, but i found out that my blog's one year birthday is arriving! 31st august. that's the first time i really started blogging.

today's itinery is kinda normal but there are out of the ordinary items on the list. i was awakened by a call from my mom at about 9 sharp. drank some water, had a honey sweet and immediately sat in front of the computer to do HRP (Humanities Research Paper). watched "I Not Stupid" for literature analysis. but soon i had to go for church! time passes really quickly when you're doing something important. and guess what? i missed the church bus!! and did i mention about my bad hair-do! i think i'm going to have bad hair weeks =\ okay, that's besides the point. SO, when i found out i missed the church bus, i quickly waved for a cab. the taxi driver, i suppose, didn't see me flagging, so he proceeded to the lady in front of me! but i have to say it's his wise decision, because the lady came before me, just that i walked further up front. but seconds later, another taxi came, so i just quickly boarded it. i reached church REALLY quickly but $3.60 or is it $3.70 went down the umm.. driver's pocket. but i do symphathise with the cab drivers these days. they have to work really hard but yet still has to struggle to make ends meet.

reached church, went up the 3rd floor and the mandarin mass was ending. when it ended, i rushed in (wasn't a good idea) really uncourteous and typical Singaporean-ee, should not do it next time. got some pocket money from mom and went up to the fourth floor! saw bryan there. erica came when bryan went to have something to eat. bryan returned shortly and matthew came, umm, matthew benedict. after mass, we went down to the canteen. i had american breakfast and went up and tried taking the church bus to the mrt station. AND! i missed the bus again. so i decided that i should just look for one of the catechism class teachers and tell them i'm not going first. went to tell gabriel, waved goodbye to the guys and set off for Children's Aid Society at melrose. i walked to the bus stop, boarded the bus, tapped the card and realised that i have insufficient funds in the card! so in the end i have to walk to yishun MRT so i could top up the card. it wasn't fun, the bag was kinda heavy. but oh wells, too bad that i didn't do it yesterday. reached there, topped up the card, and walked to the bus interchange. and i took 855 to adam's road! initially i wanted to eat ice kacang/ice jelly first, but i found out i was almost late, so i quickly boarded the 74 instead.

i missed the stop and ended up at SIM HQ, i took a bus back to ngee ann poly, to realised that i could have just walked from SIM HQ bus stop. reached the place. basically, what is happening there for today and yesterday was an art carnival, and i thought it was really good, just that no one came at all. the stations, i would say, are really interesting and fun. i managed to make some soap carvings and pick up saga seeds! Dao Yuan was there too, and i left with him.

i went back to Adam's road and had my ice kacang! then i went back home.

lesson learnt today: not about missing buses, but about trust. i feel that trust is really important in any relationship, without trust, the relationship will eventually fail.

OKAY, have to start concentrating!

bye bye (:

love,
emma

2006-08-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

i think there are times in life where we get relapses, and we start all over again.

come on, dark side, this time i'm not afraid of you.

2006-08-06T21:40:00.000+08:00

hello people!

won't be able to blog for long today cause i have to MUG!

okay, so basically, today was like any other Sunday, a day of sleeping and waking up then sleeping again and waking up again. but i eventually woke up, only at 9.30 something =\ so i quickly prepared and left for church. tried a new hairstyle today, but i thought it didn't really suit me well. i waited at the stop for the church bus to arrrive. the bus was really really full today. reached church rather early, saw clarissa and went to the fourth floor. mass started soon and bryan came.

today's the feast of Transfiguration. basically, the feast of "The Transfiguration of Christ is the culminating point of His public life, as His Baptism is its starting point, and His Ascension its end" quoted from New Advent Online Catholic Encyclopedia. (http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15019a.htm) during the sermon, the priest touched a lil bit on family life too. but dang, i forgot most of it... will try to remember. after mass, bryan and i went to the canteen to get something to eat. i had sponge cake he had tapioca and 1 sponge cake. he donated one of his to me. thankew! then i quickly rushed to class. phew~ we were close to being late. but fortunately, we weren't. the most of the guys were there already. fabian came shortly. we were split into 8 different groups and tested about the things we were taught in the past weeks. my group badly! second last group =\ must put in more effort when it comes to this.. after cat. class was lunch with the other guys! i had claypot rice.. it looked spectacular, but not filling. bleah. matthew benedict and greg left for erica's show. we managed to rush and get onto the same bus as them. they tried getting flowers for erica, but those in Cold Storage only came in big bunches, so they eventually went to town to get the flowers. i went to popular in hope of getting a social studies textbook. what happened was that i forgot to bring mine home, and i have a test TOMORROW! so i was a lil desperate.

but guess what?

they didn't have the stocks! so i went back home. ran for the 812 and caught bel on the bus. talked to her on the way back home. i reached home, and tried looking for social studies textbook. eventually i got one from my senior, chen yang. and i managed to mug a bit on the bus while going to his place and coming back. thanks so much! you're a life saver. reached home and had dinner. da ge cooked today! chicken macaroni with tom yam paste, with chicken chipolata and some veggies as side and mushroom soup! yummy =P

OH! can someone please teach me how to do a vibrato? it's a singing technique by the way. perverts out there, i have not spelt the word wrongly. thank you. anyway, you should listen to minnie riperton sing loving you. the technique she used for a part of it is called the whistle register. there are few in the world who can do that! in fact it is really really rare...

shall stop here now,

love,
emma

2006-08-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

helloo people!

was unable to wake up today! so i only managed to reach mac ritchie at around 9. had fried rice with luncheon meat before boarding the bus.

OH! i missed the stop today! so i had to walk back one stop. but it was a blessing in disguise, cause i went to Esso to get chocolates! and water because i forgot to bring. after getting the stuff and eating some chocolates and then saving them for later, i went to mac ritchie and looked for joseph. i took a K1 today. for those wo don't kayak/canoe, a K1 is a thin single kayak. basically, a kayak uses a two-sided paddle while a canoe uses a one-sided paddle. for more info, you could look it up on wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canoe) yupp, paddled for about 8 to 9 km. mhmm, still can't get rid of my wide stroke mistake. but i must do my best! so after the water part of training, i continued with weights (3 times 30 reps) and then running. trained with the college people =P after that, i went to change and went to novena. took 166. i finished the chocolates on the bus too!

i reached novena, wandered around in novena square, went down to the MRT and saw paul and his brother peter. i did not know where to go (again) and he brought me to the meeting place, which was novena church. i went there to help my church sell food an fun fair tickets. the money would go to renovation works for the church and other purposes. i had lunch there, Mee Siam. many servers went, Nicholas Yong was there too! then i met Teacher Pam at the bell tower at 1.40 something and she gave me 6 tickets. i only managed to sell 3! some of the servers sold like.. 15? woah.. but it's comforting to know that there are people who are willing to help. the 3 tickets i sold were donated, which means they paid the money, but did not take the tickets. but the weather was REALLY HOT, was almost killing me. fortunately i brought my shades along today. while selling the tickets, there was novena service and the priest was giving a sermon which i thought was really meaningful, but it's kidna controversial. i'll like to share it here. for those who are uninterested, you could skip the following paragraph.

he talked about marriage and children in the current society in Singapore. he commented especially at the government's "Stop at two, the less you have, the more they get" policy. after listening to him, i feel that itis quite true too.. don't you think that this measure is not just really selfish, but also really materialistic too? most Singaporeans humans only think about what things they have, but not who is around them. they strive so hard, work so hard, but have no time or energy to be with their children and spouses. and all this is done ultimately because of just one thing --- money and pragmatic wealth, and the thought that their family would be very happy if they have lots of money, which is not correct. what is lacking in family life nowadays aren't money or anything that has to be settled by means of money. the one thing lacking is the love for one another. although the word love can be highly debatable, because some parents would say they love their child, so they work really hard to satisfy their "needs" but do notice that these are just material needs. humans need more than just that. everyone has a heart, a soul, a spirit. Man does not live just on bread alone, BUT by every word of God. spiritual, emotional and psychological needs also has to be fulfilled, especially at this tender young age. only with a good base, would the children be able to go further in their spiritual, emotinal and psychological lives. nothing is more painful than hurt that is inside. this intangible hurt and scars are even more serious and acute than physical hurt. so parents, do spend time with your children. YES, they need to eat, but they need your time and love too you know? people these days are making hedonism into a lifestyle. teenagers self-mutilate and do all sorts of crazy things, because they could not get what they need from the family, leaving them empty. and often turning to friends instead for help. they are trying to hurt themselves on the outside to numb all the hurt inside... i feel really sad but yet very fortunate that i have loving parents and a family. i just hope this would go on in my generation too... it's really your choice, time for your family or money for your family. they are both huge sacrifices in their own right. but there will be a time when i have to make my decision too. and i really hope i'll choose the former. i feel that having children is not just a challenge, but a task to fulfil. it is a challenge because you'll have to help your children grow up to responsible, self-conscious people who love God as much as God loves them. that by itself is a difficult task! it is a mission because at the end of this mission, you would be able to share God's love amongst these people, and these people would spread the love to even more people! moreover, a quote from Godpa, "What does not kill you make you stronger", when difficulties come into the family, it would bond them together, but before this bond could be present, love has to be there! remember everyone, everthing starts from the family! i believe in that. i'll be praying for good family ties, do join me in prayer. better families would lead to a better world, i believe in that. PARENTS LOVE CHILDREN and CHILDREN LOVE PARENTS!

please do not blame me for being such an idealist. but i do have great plans for the world, but i guess the only way i could contribute is to voice out, and pray much much more.

yupp, so after selling THREE tickets, i went back home, by taking 851. i ate an ice cream today. and i felt a lil guilty while eating it =\ i ate so much today! i had grass jelly too, had it while selling the tickets. i reached home in no time, because i was dozing off the whole way on the bus. i reached home, and thought i had to mop the floor. but i didn't have to! thanks so much everyone, especially Da Ge. but i still helped my mom do a fraction of the laundry. then i went to sleep, AGAIN! slept until dinner, where Dad bought dinner back home. thanks Pa (: ma went to church later, pa sent her. then i was in front of the comp all the while, chatting, slacking and reading up on some physics stuffs. and then blogging. did some study on Clay Aiken too. HE IS COOL! and really really good vocals too. looking forward to his album on 19th Sep.

shall be stopping here today. loooong mugging day tomorrow! really loong post today.

LOVE EVERYONE!
~emma

2006-08-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

HEY PEOPLE!

(this is for friday, 4th august)

YES YES YES YES YES!

i can finally blog after days of empty posts and posts. i'm so glad to be back.

firstly, i would like to thank EVERYONE that prayed for my mom and everyone who tagged, i appreciate the encouragement and care. really. thank you so much (: the test results showed that my mom had high cholesterol, nothing much else. so the doctor said she just has to control her diet.

secondly, i would like to apologise for not blogging for such a looong time! it's been a few days already... for the past days i've been sleeping at around 1 or 2 =\ so i wasn't able to blog. arggh... i have to blog everyday.. or else i would just forget everything that i did in the day.

the past one week was quite okay, of course i'm not including the tests and stuff. anyway, my application for overseas exchange went through! i would be going to India in october. mhmm, what else happened? see, it's my amnesia acting again... bleargh

the first part of today was a total disaster. it was really really bad. firstly, i woke up really really late and i did not know what to wear for dress down day (we could come in home clothes). secondly, i missed the bus and i had to walk to the interchange. basically, it was just horrible and terrible. but i still managed to reach school just on time. PHEW~ it was quite a spectacular sight to see so many people in school colours, orange, yellow and red. so after that, we had form teacher session with Miss Foo. she talked to us about handing in homework and procrastination. she gave a really interesting analogy --- clearing your bowels. she told us that not doing work or pushing your work to another day is just like not passing motion. and it piles up and increases in amount exponentially, until one day you die because the toxins in you cannot get out of the body. homework is the same, if you allow it to pile up, it would harm you in the end.

first period was chinese! we went through chinese test and laoshi showed us some ACE that we could do. it was quite cool =P then we had social studies then lit. during lit, i was rushing my chinese work! but the student presenters did a really good job. during lit, we were talking about gender bias in the culture and society at large, and how guys always get more advantage over girls in terms of opportunities. mhmm, how unfair..

then it was recess, followed by SPA (science practical assessment) i totally screwed it up. the y-intercept was wrong! oh no... sigh. but never mind, it's not the end of the world yet. then it was maths, we went through some trigo questions and... the fire alarm rang! initially, we stayed in class. because if it was an exercise, Mrs. Mok would definitely know about it. but she didn't, and was convinced that it was just some fraud. however, all the other classes moved out. so in the end we moved out too. then, we realised that it was really not a drill!

IT WAS!!!!

just a mistake.

i heard a year 1 boy accidentally pressed on the alarm button. the whole school's time wasted because of one person. but i guess this is the only way we would actually know if we are ready or not. it's only in times of oblivion where truth stands out i guess.

so we went back to class and had maths quiz. which i bet i'll do very badly too. after school, i settled some chemistry worksheet problems. apparently, a few chemistry worksheets were being passed to Jing Bin, the chem rep. but on the way there, it got misplaced or something. in the end i asked Mrs. Chu to extend the dateline for the two who lost their worksheet and could not hand in today, Jonathan Quek and Jon Loong. Luther managed to finish and hand in. i hope they really understahnd the concepts though.

then i went home to sleep! zorzored till about 5.30. then i showered, prepared myself and left for RGS Dance night, on the way there, i met Er Ge and hs girlfriend. i met Claire and her mom too. they were going back home i guess. so i rushed there. and tried walking from City Hall to Victoria Theatre. i almost got lost! THANKS SO MUCH xiao yu! if not for you, i would have been in timbuktu right now! >< anyway, xiaoyu was my ex-classmate back in primary school. later i reached the theatre, with much guidance from xiaoyu and waited for jiacong to come. later, qihan, zhonghan, boon yang and jason boey came too! and jiawei along with nicole, ying jie, jingbo, li xiang and jian rui. other SLC people who went include jean ting, shi hua, shuhan, joyce, rachel, jingyi andd zheng ning was dancing. who else went? mhmm, not sure. oh, bel was there too. flamenco was so cool! i have to say it's my favourite out of all the dances. flamenco rules! polka-dots are as cool as flamenco =P

later, a fraction of the facs went to raffles city to get supper. but many shops were closed/closing already. so in the end, nicole, jiawei, jian rui and i just went home first. i reached home, had something to eat, watched a lil lil lil bit of TeeVee and then showered. and ended up blogging. WHEEE! going to turn in now. see ya people!

with lots of love,
~emma

2006-07-31T01:04:00.000+08:00

Hello people,

i'm so sorry i didn't blog over the past few days.. been busy skiving away and doing work. anyway, don't have time today too, it's very late already. however, i only have something to tell you...

recently, my mom got ill, tomorrow her blood test is coming out. she might have kidney problems... PLEASE PLEASE, i appeal to everyone for their prayers. i believe prayers could result in miracles. my mother is very precious to me and my whole family. but whatever happens, let it be God's will.. and not mine.

ma, you might not know how much the four of us love you. but the four brothers will be here, just like you have been here for us. i'm not pessimistic, just getting prepared in case something does happen. Lord, let me feel your presence and your strength.

God is love

love,
~emma

2006-07-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

hello people,

didn't go to school today. woke up relatively late in the morning, then had diarrhoea again, so i decided to stay at home and rest (and slack). fortunately it is a wednesday, or else i wouldn't want to take leave. cause wednesdays are the more free days where less work is given. so i slept all the way till 9 plus. in the morning. then i went to the polyclinic.

i feel so glad that i actually brought the iPod along. if not, i would probably die of boredom. mhmm, i got quite upset while waiting cause the whole trip wasted my 2 to 3 precious time of studying and sleeping. and so many people that queued later than me actually consulted first. that made me a little grumpy. but there were babies and children now and then and they were really cute. the best thing about being young is probably innocence and naivete. i wished i was who i was, a normal kid with colourful experiences every single day. unblemished, beautiful colours.. so i rushed back home after getting medicine from the pharmacy. at least while waiting for the dispensary, i went to get cha siew bao and looked around the pharmacy store and saw some cool brands like Eucerin, Rebound Vitamins and stuff.

back home, i quickly ate my lunch. i figured out that i would be late for the test if i took bus. so i eventually settled for a cab. mhmm, used $11.70 for the trip. a little bit heart broken. but other choices i guess. reached school, rushed to the classroom and everyone was surprised that i was there. i told Ms Foo that i had diarrhoea in the morning. then she told me that i have it quite often. then i told her that i have a weak stomach, just like some of my other family members. she told me to drink Yakult. thanks Ms Foo for the advice. oh, Oon Beng, thanks so much for the foolscap paper. owe you lots. the test paper was moderately hard. perhaps cause i wasn't in the right state of mind to do the test. too anxious i guess.

after that, i decided to go home.. until i met Zhi Yi from my ex primary school. he was my classmate. and he asked me if i wanted to go to bendemeer primary to find our teacher, Mr Ravi. i thought for a while and later said yes. we boarded the bus as it came few minutes later. we talked and chatted about life on the bus, aspirations, and other stuff. by the way, i wasn't from bendemeer primary. i was from catholic high. so we reached there. and found out that Mr. Ravi wasn't teaching there! but we realised that Mdm. Sin-Oh was. so eventually we met her and talked to her. it is really nice meeting someone you thought you might never meet again. all the memories just come flowing back into your head. all the deja vou when i see the primary school kids running around.. Mdm. Sin-Oh transferred there because she wanted a new environment to work in. i guess that's very true. if it was me, i wouldn't want to do repetitive work. i need new tasks, new challenges too. i admire her for the courage to accomplish such visions.

she also told us to treasure our secondary school friends. which i thought was very true. she said that secondary and army friends would most probably be your closest friends ever. cause the working environment does not allow much interaction. there's also much backstabbing and awful occurences in that world.

while still with her, mom called and reminded me about the interview with my elder brother's girlfriend! and i almost freaked out cause i forgotten about it =\ after that i rushed home. Zhi Yi also went home immediately because he had tuition. but somehow, it just wasn't my day. i kept taking the wrong buses. and those buses led me to nowhere. so in the end, i took the MRT back to yishun. mhmm, it's quite sad actually. missing so many buses. and ending up in the wrong places. just like taking a path that you don't know where it leads to, and finding youself ending up in the wrong place..

yupp, reached home, had dinner then interview. gotta go now. see ya soon.

love,
~emma

2006-07-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

hello people,

haven't been blogging for so many days now. and no time to blog about them too. so i'll just talk about today.

mhmm, woke up grumpy today cause i didn't manage to wake up to revise for chem =\ but i wasn't late for school today. but the grumpiness wore off soon later..

slept during maths today. which is BAD then for PE, i slacked at one side and looked at the others play while we revised chem through mouth ><

chemistry test was a killer. a real killer. i even told Ms.Foo about it. hope something happens.
mhmm, training was quite good today. but my abrasions got worse. i tried to examine it this time and i saw blood =\ it's getting really bad. got to get sponge or something.

mhmm, i think my posts will get shorter and shorter soon. busy busy busy

love,
~emma

2006-07-22T21:35:00.000+08:00

hello people,

i am very sad and disappointed with myself today. VERY VERY disappointed, to the extent that i'm quite angry with myself. cause i almost forgot that today's Jie's birthday.. do you know how much that means to me? a lot.. i go around telling people that i treat her like a real sister and stuff. but i can't even remember her birthday.. a total letdown. what's more disappointing than neglecting someone that you cherish a lot. the hurt and pain, is really undescribable.. and very heart-wrenching. i know jie might not take it to heart, but i really think that i'm so lousy. even Mark remembered, and i didn't. i'm such a letdown.. useless...

i don't know if i should blog today. i might be thinking too much. moreover, nothing much happened today, except that i was skiving off the whole day at home. and now i shall go and try to feel better...

plain disappointed,
~emma

2006-07-22T16:34:00.000+08:00

hey people, just another poem (:

Title: Dinner Table

it was meant to be warm,
meant to be glad.
but everyone seems to be dumb,
and faces wrote the word sad.

i looked forward to it,
visualising the noise and smiles.
candles lit,
have i wasted those miles?

i felt all alone,
in the crowd.
i'm sorry for the tone,
but you know what it's about.

but, in the midst of sorrow,
i see your faces.
the seeds i sow,
sprouted in your presence.

finally i awakened.
in the silence,
there was much concern,
thoroughly hidden...

picking up the fork and spoon,
looking into the reflection.
i was so much of a boon,
to not have given my fullest attention.

but temperatures raise,
with presence of a dove.
i fall into daze,
in all the love.

---

love,
emma

2006-07-22T15:04:00.000+08:00

hello everyone!

i only reached home at about 12 plus yesterday, so wasn't able to blog yesterday. so i shall blog about yesterday today!

FRIDAY

in the morning, i woke up a lil earlier than usual, but i went back to sleep then i woke up again. i prepared myself, still half asleep, so i took longer than usual. but at least i managed to catch the bus this time round. when i reached the interchange, i saw people queuing up already. but it was a false alarm. in the end the bus wasn't actually moving off. but the people thought it was. so they went towards it, and got tricked. at least that's what i think happened. but soon, another bus uncle came. and the "real" bus arrived. oh, i forgot to mention, it was racial harmony day and i wore red top and jeans. but i still carried my good ole studious bag around =P but the red top i wore looked very primary school cause of the design motif

so i reached school, and rushed to the outside of the staff room to meet Ms. Foo. but she wasn't there yet. so i went back to class to put my bag first. then i went to meet Ms. Foo. she passed me the slip of paper and discussed with me some matter regarding the class attitude. the talked and later walked to the terraces for flag raising. after flag raising, i went to the staffroom, sneaked in illegally somehow with the helpof unaware teachers. but i am going in for legitimate reasons. have to find Mrs. Mok for CME interview continuation. Jonathan Quek came along too as Mrs. Mok had to speak to him. so i waited there and received stares from some teachers.. felt kinda intimidated and nervous. =\ but soon both of them came. Jon Quek was perspiring a lot. then Mrs. Mok talked to Jon Quek first. i guess parents these days are getting quite paranoid because they love and care for their children too much. sometimes parents could give a little space to their children at appropriate times. to let them fall and taste life themselves, so that their children would appreciate them even more. of course, don't let go totally. give suggestions, recommendations, but try never to give demands. children listen, just be patience and easy to talk to, then soon everything would go well, or at least better. that's what i feel and experienced. children also has to be open, and should never try to close themselves up from their parents or try to bar their parents out from their life. your parents know best, although sometimes they might use a very abstract or non-conventional way of delivering the message. i only realised this weeks ago, i hope the rest of the teens out there will soon find out that your parents just need input and a space for output. allow that, and you might be able to enjoy peace and tranquility. give input, allow space for their output, don't think that their ways are just plain simple and traditional and/or they just don't understand you. maybe they really don't, that's why you have to be frank with them. if there are people that would never lose hope on you. they are definitely your parents. i trust firmly in that.

so after Mrs. Mok talked to Jon Quek, she moved on to me. Quek gave her a small analysis about me. he spoke really nice stuff, and i felt quite bad cause i skived off in his ProEd Nite organising team =\ i told Mrs. Mok about that and she then asked Jon Quek about the incident. and i finally realised that sometimes i am an individual worker. i need my own personal space to work better and be more efficient. mhmm, i don't really know if that's good or bad...

and so, we waved goodbye to Mrs. Mok and went straight to Auditorium for racial harmony day movie screening. i thought it was quite ineffective. cause many people (sorry, but me included) tried to take a shuteye during the movie screening. but at least i woke up later i got to watch the more important parts. we watched the old film, "To Kill A Mockingbird" it's about racial discrimination in the USA during the 1930s if i'm not wrong, wait, or is it 1960s? mhmm, not very sure. lemme check google, wait a min.. oh okay, it was launched in 1962. which makes it a 1960s film. before that movie, we also watched a few clips produced by students from various schools regarding racial harmony. after the movie screening was literature. we went through "Drive". Ee Chu, Jon Quek and i are supposed to make a lesson package for next week too.

then there was recess, where i had mixed rice, AGAIN. but took green plate stall, like i was do during fridays. mhmm, what i did after that, i'm not very sure.. after recess was physics, when we went through the worksheet on Kinematics. after that was maths, teaching wasn't done extensively today. had file check, caring thinking module pre-briefing and a little time for people to finish their worksheets.

after that, i changed into my training attire but i still slipped my jeans as my running shorts are quite short and almost obscene >< up ="\"><>< so disgusting... okay, that's besides the point. so we went to Black Canyon cafe. we all had the student's meal which cost $5.50 per pax except Guan yu, which had nothing cause he said that he had dinner at home. we had out dinner, which was quite quiet cause most people were quite shag. Joelynn saw her friend, not sure if i am spelling it correctly.. umm, Athena? she looks physically appealing. yupp, gotta admit that she's pretty but not sure about the rest. if you know me well you'll know what i'm talking about (:

so after dinner, we went to send Qihan and Alf off home. we saw Joelynn and Athena trying to get a cabby. then Jia cong, Rachel and i "abandoned" Guan yu, Qihan and Alfred cause they tried to follow us although they had to go back home. Jia Cong was quite worried so she didn't want them to follow. and i think i misled Joelynn and Athena to take the cab near the bus stop and i think that made them miss one taxi... i'm so sorry! ):

then three of us went to serene centre carpark to wait for Rachel's mom to come. Guan yu called and he managed to "shake off" Alfred and Qihan and made them go back home. we met at the mac Donalds, or rather outside the macs. Rachel's parents soon came and we waved goodbye.. then Guan yu, Jia Cong and i discussed about where to go. and we went to Eco park! the small section of botanical gardens. we walked inside, and talked on the bridge, which was quite nice and close. talked about ourselves and stuff. we went off at about 10 plus. i saw black swans! graceful and pretty.. actually i can't really interpret what color it was cause of the bad vision due to the the dark setting. but with the reflections, it could look like a heart shape or even an inverted scorpion!

yupp, so we talked on the way out, about squirrels around the world =P almost missed the exit which was also the entrance. then we walked Jia Cong home and Guan yu walked me half way to the stop cause he couldn't take any bus home with any buses on the opposite road. and so i took the bus back. 852 came shortly. slept a lil while on the bus. then i went to take the feeder bus. here comes the comedy. i slept on the bus and i end up back in the interchange!!! haha, slpet throughout the ride. i went to 7 eleven and got a drink and then waited for the next 812, which came very shortly. then, i reached home, went to the toilet showered and slept. yupp, so that's what happened yesterday.

oooh, spent an hour and 19 minutes on the post. it's VERY looong i know.

lotsa love,
emma

2006-07-20T21:24:00.000+08:00

heelloo peopleee!

i'm laaggggiiing todayy caaauuuse i feel zzz sleeeepyyy. okay, back to normal typing. yup, really tired cause of the past two days. so what happened today? well here are the news.

if you read my post for yesterday, you'll realise that i didn't prepare the clock to ring an alarm in the morning and i slept on the sofa >< test ="\" history ="P">< slept during half of the period =\ actually, i slept half of the day ): which is really bad. second period was IHC, where many people got sent out cause they did not do their work. the rest of the period? i'm not sure. was half asleep. then it was english. Ms. Foo got ballistic today. level one. she called the parents of those who did not do their IHC. it was really a terrible experience, it kinda traumatised me. it's the only lesson that left me sleepless, umm, literally speaking.

then it was recess. i think the whole incident turned me off and made me feel quite bad, plus all the weariness, i didn't have the appetite to even eat. so i stayed in class to do other things. then there was physics! we went through the 4 formulae regarding kinematics.

chinese test is moderately difficult. but i hope i could at the very least obtain a B3.
after chinese test, i went straight home after lunching. was sapped of all my strength. but i managed to write a poem on the bus. it's very pessimistic and emotional. here it goes:

Title: Kite

everything feels frail.
all just seems hopeless.
many things bound to fail.
where is happiness?

tire and weariness,
take me in my dreams.
it seems to be meaningless,
but soon you'll hear the screams.

i wish i could run,
ending somewhere quiet, alone.
but i know i can't,
so many uncleared loans.

looking back at that range,
i'd give it a chase.
but winds of change,
struck me in the face.

make me fly,
let me go with the wind.
and please don't cry,
you'll soon see what i see.

---

yupp, so there it goes. it doesn't sound really good and perhaps very abstract. but that's the way i want it to be.

so i reached home, had century egg porridge. haha, so greedy XP then i slept and woke up, spent a looong time on maths. moved on to chemistry and then english and doing lit now. had beef fried rice for dinner! yummy (:

shall wake up earlier tmr so i can reach school early. i guess i'll stop here now. hope all the pains would go away

love,
~emma

random P.S. how i just love people calling, shouting emma

2006-07-20T14:27:00.000+08:00

hello people!

haven't been blogging for two consecutive days now.. feel so weird >< so, i shall now summarise what i did over the past two days. or at least try to remember.

TUESDAY

didn't bring my phone out today! felt so lost and empty (in the pocket)

had industrial attachment interview after school and track and field briefing after the interview. after that i went home for dinner and then back to school for stay over. stay over was kinda fun i would say. we first assembled at KKH, then we helped out here and there, played basketball in the dark. and later slept in facs room. mhmm, deja vou.. slept at about 1 plus when seniors came a second time to ask us to sleep.

WEDNESDAY

woke up at about 4 plus this morning, then we assembled at council room at around 5. was really dead.. brought the logistics to the open air carpark and then we went to CCK stadium. we were the first ones there. there were people running round the track already. the place is small compared to the national stadium. we fixed up the banners and tried to get stuff done. but in the end i slept on the track! later i woke up and i found victor, wenbo and alfred sleeping too. i heard they mugged in the night while we were sleeping. then we did the banners again, encountered many problems. wind, other schools, and other factors. then the rain came and got all of us wet. it blew down the tripods holding the banners too..

we tried fixing it but the rain was getting heavier. so we went for brunch first. i had mixed rice, mhmm, i think i always do >< and tea O cause it was quite cold. we went back, did the banners again, ensured that it won't fall and then we were chased off the field, with the banners incomplete. later, we went into the stadium again, with tickets this time round. then we did the banners. Weiling was there! Angeline too.

i felt a different atmosphere this year. the cheers were all much softer and i can't feel the passion that they had two years ago. i could still remember two years ago. when the whole school was there cheering the track team. i just couldn't see the fire in the eyes of the year ones, exceot for a few of them. well, that's quite comforting already. to see that there are people that could continue this tradition. i really hope that next batch of students would be better. i really hope so. with no spirit, there won't be Hwa Chong at all.

track and field ended at around 7 plus 8. then we stayed back to clear up. before clearing up, when the year ones were still around, we were shouting "HOLIDAY, HOLIDAY!" but Mr. Hon seemed to act like he didn't hear it ><

by the time everything was done in school, it was almost ten, or was it ten already? and Zhong Han followed me to Adam's road to have dinner. Thankew (: Jiawei, Felix, Cai Yong and Justin came later. but they sat quite far away from us. i had curry chicken with rice and ice jelly. Zhong Han had Half-chicken from western food stall and ice kacang. when we were done, we walked to the bus stop. (Jiawei and Felix left before us!) i ran for my bus leaving Zhong Han alone =
slept throughout the bus ride home. i found out the worst combination that would make you really grumpy. STICKY, STINKY and TIRED. dang, the last word doesn't go along. yupp, i was grumpy all night cause i was reallt tired =
it got so bad that i was sleeping in front of the keyboard! so i finally decided to sleep. on the sofa.. and i only waked up the next morning, without completing any homework ):

shall stop here for now. i REALLY have problematic short term memory..

love,
~emma

2006-07-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

hey people..

i feel quite down today cause i guess i'm being oversensitive. much happened today.

woke up early in the morning. much eariler than usual and reached school early too. wanted to do work there, but ended up sleeping till flag raising >< there's this asia's young leaders summit held in my school today. saw Sophia there! said hi (: it's organised by the college side council.

the weather was really warm today, was perspiring crazily throughout the whole flag raising and annoucements! felt so awful..

got 44/50 for maths test, quite happy about it (: thank you Lord!

nothing much happened in class today, just that i fell asleep during physics! >< oh no... Ms. Foo told us to go home and reflect about what types of learners we are. i guess for me, i'm sort of an emotional and spatial learner. a bit of both. and i need lots of motivation too, so i must force myself to do homework then i could really start.

you know, sometimes you get hurt by someone/something until you harden yourself up till you turn numb to everyone else? this form of "protection" is common and happens in me too. but i'll have to learn to treat the scars and not harden myself. for i would fall into the abyss if i did so. words can mean a lot, even though you might not think it would affect someone to such a great magnitude..

there was this lit seminar today! it was quite interesting, but i didn't pay much attention.. mhmm, quite ironic.. anyway, got to see Jingyi, Joelynn. yupp, but didn't manage to talk.

AEP was kinda slack AGAIN but this time we might make quite a bit of changes to the whole staging and cinematography. thanks to Mr. Ng for the advice. hope we would pull through.

after AEP, i went to do weights myself. saw Yumeng and Allen there. started training and realised that i deproved quite a bit because i haven't been training for quite a long time =\ left home with them too. but their parents came to fetch them. i crossed the road and waited for 852 to arrive. and guess what? Mr. Stalker was there! it has been a very very looong time since i saw him. kinda unfortunate ): initially, he wanted to stalk me. it was quite obvious cause he followed behind me. but i managed to trick him into boarding the bus while i stayed at the bus stop. he's really scary and kinda pitiful too...

took 852 with Jingyao. tried to sleep during the bus but a storyline keeps coming across my mind. it's about this guy, who had this illness that made him lose his sense of touch. which means he has no feeling of things around him. but he fell in love, and for the first time, was able to feel his heart wrench when his lover was hurt. something along that line. yupp

went home, went for a run around Yishun. feel so accomplised (: ate dinner, and nothing else actually happened. just that there are things sometimes that seem to be complicating when they're not. arhh... whatever..

love,
~emma

2006-07-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

hey people!

today's Sunday! woke up relatively late today. around 9 plus. then i went to stare at the computer and read about how to draw manga.

then i showered and left for church. wore a simple polo tee for top and jeans for bottom. reached church early and realised i had to go to church alone cause Bryan was having some in-house problems while Matthew was going to church in evening. but i sat beside Emilio's parents. Emilio is a ex-altar server by the way. mass went well, the homily was great. Father Ignatius preached about false prophets and prophets. how to differentiate them and stuff. after mass, while i was leaving, Emilio's mum turned around and told me that, "It's refreshing to hear young teenagers like you sing" i was quite heartened. my church's teens aren't very enthusiastic about church actually. which is kind of sad... even i find myself stuck between the secular world and my Christian faith. sigh~ God! please give us your strength and might! i need to put more faith and trust into the Lord. i am quite proud to be a Catholic.

so after mass was catechism class. somehow i feel that Clarissa's starting to be quite cold to me ... i really don't know what i did wrong this time. but i really hope i was just thinking too much.. did i do something wrong again? i seriously have no idea. but no matter what, i'm sorry for doing anything wrong to you. i just hope it's not another misunderstanding.

Catechism class ends very fast with Uncle David around =P he delivers lessons really well.

after class, i followed Matthew to Northpoint, i had to buy running shorts. so we went to look around and several sport shops. then finally we went to Cold Storage, and he bought drinks back home. his shuttle bus wasn't here yet, so he accompanied me to lunch, we chatted while i was eating. went to send him off, prepared to go home. missed the 812!! so i walked home.

for the next 2 hours, i stoned in front of TV. then i went to do some work. at night we went out for dinner. had so much food! BBQ wings, stingray, cuttlefish, some shellfish and duck! yummy!
and after that mom and i spent some quality time shopping together. we first went to get socks cause my socks were missing! somehow but i seriously don't know how they just vanished. then we went to John Little to get underneaths and then my running shorts!

on the way back, we had a nice long chat. then my mom, yes my MOM asked me what i wanted to try doing. don't know why she suddenly asked but. i replied, falling in love and going on a solo-backpack trip overseas. then she started talking to me about the solo-backpack trip thingie but not the first one! haha, i guess she'll talk about it soon. i want to fall in love, something real, not something generic. someone i could love with all my heart. when she gets hurt, i feel hurt. when she smiles, i would be glad. and i reflected upon that for two hours. and i realised that it might all again be just that. but i hope it's not. should i try harder or should we be just like that. i guess these questions are asked by responsible people. whether they have time for the other half of them. whether they are going to go all out just for them. now that is true love in its purest.

i love you mom, i might not understand your theories sometimes. but you do make me learn a lot from what you do and say. this goes to dad too.

shall stop here for now.

love,
~emma

2006-07-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

i guess different people have different views on different issues. only conflict will push us into further, deeper thinking. and the fruits of this thinking can be detrimental but it also had a very high potential to do good. conflict doesn't always have to end with violence or anger. in fact, it could end with understanding and peace.

being meek is the way. and always be willing to listen. never try to block yourself from other's troubles or views.

less is more, losing is victory.

love,
~emma

2006-07-15T17:39:00.000+08:00

hello people!

went for RGS open house in the morning! met many people there.

in the morning, Davin, Zhong Han and i met at Tanglin club bus stop. Zhong Han was late, Davin was early, i was a minute or so late. once everyone was there, we left for RGS on 132. we reached there and felt quite weird at first. cause it was the first time i got into RGS for an event not meant for us (umm.. practically speaking). this was the second time i went there, the first time was reverbere '05 where JIE performed! okay, anyway, we went in and saw many cool stuff. they have rock climbing walls nicer than us!

okay, that's besides the point. the CCA booths were located at the canteen. all of em, so it was quite a mess, but definitely cosy. i saw Jie and passed her the drawing i promised. saw Cheng Hoon in her NP uniform. then i saw YanHan, Kristin, and Shi Hua too! she ran away from us initially >< do we look that scary? okay, maybe we were a LIL prominent, but not to that extent right? haha. met jiacong too! the booths were all made by the students themselves. very teen-appealing designs. saw Vivien at the choir booth. umm, then we saw Jingyi at the physics booth (i think) and she told us to play a game, but we didn't =\ sorry

next up was the second floor. we went in into the hall. some other clubs and societies there. and (i think) the RP details. things like leadership, attachments, programmes and academics. they were using MACS! so cooool!!

then we saw Shuhan while we went towards K S Chee. Francesca then brought us out on a school tour! thankew! we talked to Weiling, who was a little stressed cause she had to cover up for 3 people! haiyo~ RGPSB, must listen to Weiling!!! saw Angeline too! and Rachel.

after that, we went to Far East to have breakfast. walked there from RGS. Rachel wanted to see us at first, but we were there already, so sorry.. we went to the chicken rice stall. that TzeQing brought me to during SLC orientation. later we found out it was their last day there :( the chicken rice there is really nice (at least for the three of us) after lunch, we went to meet Alfred at DFS bus stop. on the way there, we saw Jean Ting! then we proceeded on with meeting Alf; it was quite hilarious. cause what happened was Alf called us then we tried finding each other. then i realised he was right beside me! i was seriously LAGGING... left for RGS. went through the path that we took in the morning, just that now there's Alf coming along. this time, we saw even more people! Daveen andd... umm, forgot >< but i just know we saw more people.

then i donated to Kristin's box (cause i promised her in the morning), it's for some out-of-Singapore programmes fund. later Davin and i went to stone at Rock Climbing place while Alf and Zhong Han went to watch the OM performance. Weiling came along and we talked. after that Joelynn came, she has tuition, and the four of us realised we have to go too, so we left for school. without saying managing to say bye to the rest of the people =
heard from Joelynn that she's going to move house soon. sigh~ so we reached school very early. talked with other council people there.

sat through the briefing. Shiwei and Daryl was trying very very hard to keep the fire burning, or at least start the fire, but due to uninterested people and a very weak mnapower (many did not turn up), the whole place was very cold. and especially if there are disillusioned people like me, it would make the whole situation a whole lot worse. sometimes, i really hate myself for being unable to give something my all. i do that as a form of self-protection. the orientation OT people should know very well why... i really don't know where i could find the passion and interest i had for council (and everything else) that i had when i was a year one student.. don't know how to get it back or where to start... i really hope God would help me along the way as i try to get out of this cloud of suppression.. i guess i still can't move on since orientation.. BUT i will still continue the struggle.

sorry Shiwei, sorry council. i've been a letdown, and up till now, i'm still one to the council.

there are just some things in life where you get stuck in. if you manage to get out of it, you get stronger. but if you don't you just get disillusioned like me... i don't want to be like that, but my sub-conscious mind always remind me of what happened during december '05. what a fateful month, a fateful time.

i guess i shall stop here for now. having an emotional overload. don't worry about me. i'll be fine soon. and i guess most people won't read till the end of the post cause it's very long. sorry for stopping here abruptly.

pain?
~emma

2006-07-14T19:24:00.000+08:00

hey people!

i missed the bus AGAIN this morning >< blehhh... so i had to walk all the way to the bus stop once more =\ had to stand for the whole trip on the bus. i reached school and found everyone learning tingxie! and i realised i forgot to learn it, so i started learning real quickly.

managed to do it eventually during chinese period. the rest of the period was spent on doing chinese functional writing, but i found out later that i forgotten to hand in!!! OH MY GOSH! i think i'm gonna be dead on Monday... after chinese was social studies, then literature. we watched a movie talking about racial discrimination that was in America. for lit we read notes that had to do with Singaporean stereotyping, and one of the articles mentioned stereotypes of different schools, it is NOT accurate and certainly not very nice.. we should not base people due to other's comments. each and everyone is special and unique in their own way, we should not generalise people.

we left for recess from the library, i had mixed rice, the queues are crazily Looooooooong today. i waited for 10 to 15 minutes! after recess was physics! it was quite confusing. but Mr. Tieu is really spending a lot of effort trying to get through to us. i hope our class could get better soon.. i don't want the teachers' effort to be put to waste =
DID NOT GET BACK MATHEMATICS PAPER TODAY! so sad :( mathematics lesson was energetic today, didn't have those sleepy feelings (:

I'm starting to realise how good our teachers really are... all the way teachers (:

after school, i went to stone a lil bit at the library, tried to find Mrs. Chu but i failed..
then there was canoeing meeting, where Mr. Tan talked to us about the bad attendance.. sigh~ we really got to buck up people, when there's a will, there's definitely a way, never lose hope.. i don't want to have a black face and use "authority" during training sessions, it's just not me. please people, we need input so the desired output will come, am i right? i have to work harder too, GAMBATE!

proceeded to Toa Payoh after that, to umm, get markers. yupp. Jiawei wanted to tag along at first, but in the end he had to go somewhere else =\ so i went alone, but i boarded the bus with Elisha. this isn't nice but he's a pseudo gay (i hope he isn't a real one =\) so he started telling me i was sexy -.-

OKAY! W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!

another JC side canoeing senior boarded the bus and i chatted with him along the way. JC guys got 2nd! wheee (: i reached Toa Payoh in no time and i got to popular, i saw Lynette there! but i guess i was a lil too shy, so i accidentally "daoed" her. i'm so sorry! i think she tried to say bye but i was like antisocial, of course, it's accidental. i finally got my markers! WHEE! love em. then i went to get water and bought myself barbecued chicken. i regretted getting it. SO FATTY! i ended up throwing all the skin away. so sinful, blehhh. then i tried finding Bel. at first i just walked aimlessly, not knowing where she was. then she messaged me and told me she was near HDB Hub, so i went to HDB hub, then she messaged me and told me that she was near the mac. this is the really weird part... might give you goosebumps. before she replied me of her location and i started walking to the HDB hub building, i was walking towards the mac donalds...

coincedental? dunnoe :P

after that i realised i spent my $$$ on the BBQ chicken thingie! then i couldn't buy the ticket from her! feel so bad ): bad chicken... i then proceeded to the library to get some homework done, wanted to meet jie initially, but she was in orchard and with her friends, so oh wells. studied alone. but i didn't manage to do work at all, ended up drawing and testing out the new markers >< WELL, at least now i know they are okay.

at around 6, i went to find Bel to see if she was still there. she finished selling her tickets and was helping her friend to sell hers. i went back home first. and guess what, while going home, i took MRT that was on the wrong side!!! i stoned in the train at first. then i saw "Novena"... so i took the correct train and soon i was back at home. 812 was already there when i reached the interchange. met Weiting jiejie on the bus, but she didn't see me. we only met again under the flat. Weiting jiejie is my two elder brothers' schoolmate and "sis" and nothing much happened after that, except that today's dinner was nice cause there were lots of fish! YUMMY!

shall stop here now (:
looking forward to RGS open house tmr

LOVE!
~emma

2006-07-13T21:16:00.000+08:00

hello everyone!

today's an okay day. some parts were sad, some glad some bad..

i woke up at the usual time today at about 6, Mom woke me up. the handphone alarm isn't working for me =\ but i still felt really tired. so i ended up sitting down on the couch.. and i slept till 6.15!!! i only got out of house at around 6.25, 6.30!!! i walked to the bus stop near Mom's grocery hotspot and missed the 855 but i got on to the 851, changed to 852 at AMK ><

and guess what? i WASN'T late for school!

Augustine did morning announcements today and he did great! after flag raising, we went back to class. to keep a promise, i took out my breakfast bar and started eating! gave one to Ben too (: then i saw Mrs. Mok and told her that Ee Chu has already went to her desk to find her. then she told me "Hey, it's lesson time, why are you eating?" but of course, it was in the nice trademark Mrs. Mok motherly tone (: then i told her it was my breakfast. Mdm. Chan came and asked me what i was eating too, i told her i was eating breakfast bars and asked her if she wanted one, then she said, "Nah. thank you" so i returned back to class.

classes today was fine, just that they were kinda hard. subjects like Physics and Math, kinda tough. Kinematics and Trigo! i got sent out of class today :( for not BRINGING my work. i promised i did it. in fact, i have it right beside me now. but it's only fair to make me stand outside too, along with the others that did not do.. i felt sleepy during the last two periods =\ chinese compre was really hard, i didn't know how to do many of the questions. i was kinda dumbfounded ><

afternoon class was chemistry. we went through molar mass, moles and stuff. and again, i was kidna dumbfounded, but in the end with eternal help, i understood a little bit better. after chem, i went to the library to get homework done before going for dinner. i can't concentrate at home.

i wished i had given more. somehow today i'm weird and kinda cranky. i'm more sensitive than THAT (where THAT = today's me), less boring, more helpful certainly and much nicer! BUT why am i in total spasm today.. i feel lousy. i hope there is time for reparations. i don't want things to go bad again. but am i doing it right? i don't think so. i hoped i had mind reading powers that could see what people felt.. i hoped i also knew whether i should continue living life THIS way or not.

^ that, was random, ignore it ><
the following poem too

you're my saviour
but you don't know
if i get greyer
you're still more than gold

i'm not sure what to do,
what to say,
and what to think too;
but you just brighten up my day.

this should have been
long past and over.
my hearts stirring up a din,
and it's getting deeper..

should i embrace?
or just let it go forever?
look into my face,
it's now or never.

God! freeze the clock,
let it halt.
i don't wanna hear the crow cock,
that's when i know it's my fault...

I THINK TOO MUCH!

love,
~emma

2006-07-12T20:24:00.000+08:00

hello everyone!

i think today's a good day.

firstly, math test went really well. Thank God, i have been able to remember how to do some of the problems.

i didn't really have recess cause i needed to prepare for panel discussion during assembly. i met up with Qi han to discuss the topic once more. However, Miss Foo came around and told us the topic has changed! from courtesy to CME interviews. so we tried to prepare as much as possible the things we needed, things like values, philosophy and stuff. we prepared questions and some answers too, have to thank Miss Foo for that.

Assembly was pretty interesting, cause it's been a very long time since i got on stage and addressed my batch mates. but i thought it went quite well (:

the assembly was followed by music appreciation session, when the school vocal ensemble went up to sing two songs for us. but the sad thing is, most guys in my batch are quite mean towards the vocal ensemble people cause they are most of the time labelled as feminine, which isn't true. and even if it is true, what's wrong with it? as long as you are straight, you can be who you are right? MUST every male on this world be macho and alpha? i don't think so. in fact, i feel that guys should explore their feminine sides more. then they would be able to appreciate the less tangible things around them.. but i really enjoyed the performance they put up. they sang in Latin for the first song! could recognise it due to Father Roderick's podcast. Go to www.sqpn.com to check it out :P

so throughtout their performance, lots of people were laughing at them, which was DOWNRIGHT mean and insensitive, i guess we need training on how to appreciate the Arts. SERIOUSLY..

after the performance by vocal ensemble was career advice talk by Ms. Ruth Lim from Business School at NTU. BUT i was dozing off throughout most of her presentation. i fell asleep 6 six times, once i got caught by Ms. Foo! and she told me "World Cup is over!" and i told her, "I don't watch soccer!" haha, but i regretted not staying awake, the talk was really good and inspiring..

after the talk was 10 minute break time. didn't do much during that time. i went to Chem lab after that. we did SPA 2, Science Practical Assessment. it was quite fun, but i did it too slowly. Mrs. Chu was nice, giving me a little bit or grace time.

after chem practical was lunch then AEP. victor and i weren't doing much stuff during the period of time cause jerrold wasn't there and the files were with him. i went around looking at the senior's works and my OH my, they are really good.. i shall work hard and try to be as good too!

after AEP, i went back home. had dinner, chatted with Zhong Han online. did some other stuff i can't remember ><

yupp, so that was how i spent my day. how bout you?

lots of love,
~emma

2006-07-11T22:03:00.001+08:00

hello everyone!

today's tuesday, 11th of april, projects competition semi finals for all hwachong people out there. oh yah, the last post i wrote "to be continued" and so shall continue with what happened...

so i was totally shocked at first. i didn't expect such a major glitch to actually occur! so i messaged victor and told him to meet me in school later and pass me the files there and i will do it there and then. due to the fact that i was busy trying to do the movie, i was quite behind the usual time, therefore causing me to walk all the way to the bus stop near the market my mom always goes to for grocery shopping.

the bus was FULL, so i had to stand. the trip was boring, cause i wasn't able to sleep. i almost fell on a nanyang girl though due to a very sudden bus brake >< the trip was made worse by my bad stomach. it was really painful throughout the trip, i was rubbing it every now and then ): after i reached school, i went to find victor immediately and went to get the hard disk drive from him. then i went into the toilet. AND started doing the project in the CUBICLE! it's the most disgusting thing i have ever done since my high school life in hwa chong! the second most disgusting thing i've done is to sleep in the toilet =\ don't wanna talk about it right now, too embarassing...

okay, so i did it in the toilet and i missed the whole flag raising and reading period doing that!!! later victor and jerrold came along and we shifted to robotics room. victor wasn't allowed to go in cause of wenbo so he went back to his class first. then i started doing it once more. the robotics people came and watched the trailer, some of them said that it was okay. however, time was against us, in the end we have an incomplete complete trailer.

WE WERE THE FIRST TO PRESENT!!! but the judges seem to be quite happy.. really really hope we can get through the semis into the finals. all of us really need the points. the incomplete complete trailer was okay,quite lovely i have to say >< the presentation went quite well, so PRAISE THE LORD! he was there while i was presenting, i'm very very sure.

the rest of the day was spent looking at other groups/solos' presentations. some were really really good. especially those done by the year 4s, they were really GREAT... talked to Hong Liang today. he too confirmed that i didn't look local >< oh no.. i forgot the rest of the things that happened today ): but i just know it was great talking to Hong Liang. thankew (:

after the presentations, Hong Liang and i went to the animation room, i tried sketching some drawings with the really BIG wacom tablet. (a tablet is a sensory panel like device that can receive input from a pen, "wacom" is the brand name)

after that, Hong Liang went to the toilet to complete a HUGE business deal. i went back to class and waited for math extra lessons to start. but jon loong came by and told me that there weren't any. so i went to the library to read some magazines. later i proceeded to the bus stop. on the way, i saw cai yong and jiawei (: i gave them each a breakfast bar. oh yah, jiawei, daniel wasn't here today, so i wasn't able to convey the message! sorry >< after chatting with them for a little while, i left for mac ritchie. took 157 with shui kun. training today was okay, but due to my not so good body condition, my things seem to have crashed down all the way ): but i know i would slowly pick up soon.

i left training early today and called Godpa to check the plan. my eldest brother is having his graduation day today (: so i might have went. but in the end, i did not go. so i went for dinner alone near northpoint, forgot the name of the place though.. after that i went straight home. switched on the computerand started using the computer. but soon enough i was sleeping in front of the screen. in no time i would have crashed on the keyboard ><

so i decided to take a short 30 minute nap, told Raphael , my third eldest brother to wake me up. however, i realised i couldn't crawl out of sleep.. was really too tired. but i've gotta do what i'm supposed to. so i struggled out of bed, like a butterfly out of this pupae shell. i wanted to shower, but ended up going to the toilet first. as i looked into the mirror. i saw something terrifying.. BLOODSHOT EYES...

but it soon got away though. phew~ fortunately mom didn't see it, or she would be really really worried. after showering, nothing much actually happened already. except that my eldest brother, parents and Godpa came back.

shall be stopping here now!

LOVE,
~emma

2006-07-11T20:31:00.000+08:00

hello everyone!

today's monday, and mondays are often bad days for me. however, monday today is better than usual mondays (:

woke up at the usual time today, at around umm, 5.50. i managed to get a corner seat in the bus today. but can't seem to sleep somehow.. might be thinking too much about somethings. but i forgot what i was thinking about already >< blame it on my short term memory and that i'm doing monday's blog on a tuesday.

reached school and it started raining. phew~ brought my jacket along today, so didn't get wet. i went to fetch newspapers with Ee Chu, still remember him? the nice giant (:

talked while we went to get the papers. there was much to read today from straits times, so i spent the whole 25 minutes reading the papers. sigh~ somehow things aren't very good around the world.. yes, you could see that glimmer of hope, but besides that, it's all darkness..

first period was math, nothing much happened except that we have to face the frightening truth that test is on wednesday!! okay, never mind about that. after math was... arhh.. i forgotten. but school day today was quite fun. i presented about sun tzu's art of war.. well, the ppt wasn't of fantastic quality but i tried my best to do it (:

i got sent out of class for the first time this year! didn't complete social studies work ): sorry Mdm. Chan. she got so mad that she walked out of class after finding out that actually those who still stayed in class (those who were supposed to have finished their work) have not completed their work yet. we were so afraid that Ms Foo would come in later during her lessons to give us a taste of her ballistic emotions. but she didn't. guess Mdm Chan did not tell her what happened. at first Oon Beng and i wanted to send an sms to Mdm Chan to apologise, but in the end we were to afraid to. sounds so stupid now i think back about it. should have apologised.. for english Ms Foo taught us about writing good expository essays.

OH YAH! i almost forgot. i think the idea of me having an ABC look is true! i asked Ee Chu today about what he thought about it. and he told me if it was the first time he met me, he would have thought i was a canadian or european Chinese >< i don't really know if it's good or bad though.

after school, Qi Han, Jess and i met Ms Foo about assembly this wednesday. will be talking to our batch mates about courtesy, which are high percentage of students are either unaware or just ignorant about it. so we decided to remind them of what is politically right to do. and i fully agree with the politically right things in this case. cause, i don't like my toilet seats to be wet with you-know-what. come on guys, please have that certain level of self respect and awareness okay??

after that, i went for AEP. that was why i did not have lunch today.. ):
AEP was full work session today cause tomorrow's project's competition semis! for non-hwa chong readers out there, projects competition is basically an annual competition held in school. groups made up to four students go against other groups that are in the same genre. we have 10 main categories. forgot about the specific categories though >< again due to my short term memory =
after art lessons, i went home. Godpa came to fetch me today, thankew! we went to yishun library first because i had to return some due books. we went to ntuc later to get some breakfast bars so i need not starve in the morning. Bel should be quite happy to hear about this (:

we went home and i had dinner. then i went to start on my art project. but i realised something really bad... I DID NOT COPY THE CLIPS TO MY DISK DRIVE!!! oh my gosh! and it was with victor. the first few times it kept failing. but during the period of time, i spent it on constructive activities like finding a soundtrack for my trailer. in the end, i found a tetris track on youtube and used it for the soundtrack. that's the best part bout youtube (: the original films and productions are royalty-free. i edited the track, and mom came. she told me to sleep cause it was about 1 plus already. so i went to "sleep". and waited for victor's sms to tell me that the files have been sent. but i ended up REALLY sleeping!

i woke up at about 5.45 and tried to do it. but i found out that the file that he sent was corrupt and could not be opened!!! ):

to be continued on tuesday's (today's) post (:

LOVE,
~emma

2006-07-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

hey people!

no time, so shan't talk much bout today's stuffs.

just that i have been having those weird dreams AGAIN ><
and i sang while i was half asleep today and i gave my mom a fright, sorry Ma!
what else, went to church, attended mass with bel and went for cat class.. nothing much happened today..

okay then, gotta go do some homework i just realised i had. sigh~

love,
~emma

2006-07-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

hey everyone!

i reached home really late yesterday, so didn't have the time to blog about yesterday. therefore, i shall blog about yesterday today.

yesterday morning, i woke up at about 7plus 8, but i went back to bed and continued sleeping till about 9 plus 10. after that, i ate bread with cheese and jam, drank umm, soya bean milk if i didn't remember wrongly. hmm, can't remember anything except doing housework. vacuumed the rooms and mopped the floors. did physics until about 5 plus in the late afternoon.

then i prepared to go out! go to nanyang girls high for reverbere 2006! Jie's concert. i prepared myself, and went downstairs with my elder brother to take a taxi. he was going to meet his girlfriend in ang mo kio, so i decided to follow him there. he would drop me at ang mo kio mrt and then go and meet his girlfriend. thanks Da ge! on the way to ang mo kio, when we haven't left yishun yet, Mark called and he asked me where to meet. apparently he said that he wasn't told. so i told him the meeting time and place but he said that he would just meet us straight at nanyang. then he reminded me about something really important. the tickets!!! i realised i forgot to take them along. so Da ge nicely brought me all the way back home and i called San ge to bring the tickets down for me. thanks so much San ge and Da ge! then after that we left for ang mo kio.

in no time, i reached bishan after a mrt train ride down from ang mo kio station. then i met jia cong and her friend, not sure if i got her name correctly, Cheng Hoon, i think. met them at KFC, wasn't able to at first >< then we stoned and chatted at KFC till one of their friends came. forgot his name.. dang, i'm really bad with names, i'm so sorry. that friend is from RI, waterpolo-er and sailer, quite big in size, dark complexion. then i realised that it was almost 6.30 and i left for the mrt. met Yufei there, brought him to KFC and called Sheng Loong to meet us at KFC too. so all of us stoned at KFC till about 6.50, when we left for the bus stop to wait for 156 to come. Jia Hong said he would be late. but in the end he got here in time. he came from an attachment and so he was in formal council uniform. we left for nanyang soon after. on the way there, i thought that we would definitely be late unless we took a faster bus from mac ritchie, that is, buses 74, 157 or 852. so we got off at the stop and RAN to the other stop, which was quite far away.. then we MISSED THE BUS!!!!! and we were all perspiring and tired. so sorry guys ><

and so we waited, but soon 852 came (phew~) and in about 5 minutes time we were at our school. we walked quickly to nanyang, mark came along, he reached the bus stop a few seconds after us. so we walked to nanyang audi, lots of people there when we were there! then we met jianrui, weiling, rachel, elynn, sofia and other hwa chong guys. we went up to the second floor, looked for a place to sit and sat down. the first part of the concert was good, but i didn't really know how to really appreciate it to the fullest cause most of them were classical pieces. then it was the intermission!

many things happened during the intermission, we met zheng ning, i spotted 'bel there with her friends, and she asked me how to get home from there. i tried explaining but she figured out it would be better if i did it after the concert. so i met mark and we went to the gents. we took turns, so he went in first and i spotted a 12SLC participant! forgot her name though, just remembered that she was from RGS. then it was my turn to go to the gents. and when i came out, mark started telling me about the girl that he saw -.- then i was like -.- cause he was shorter than her, that's not the point but, he doesn't even know her.. oh wells.. typically RI guy maybe???

then Jia Cong, Mark and i went to find Jie and gave her a hug and gave her a boost before she went for performance. the 15 minute intermission passed like that and we went back to our seats.

it was then when i found out i'd been SABOed!

i went back to my seat, and found out that jianrui was on my left, and ZHENG NING on my right!!!! i tried changing seats with jianrui, but he didn't want to. i tried changing seats with zheng ning, but she didn't want to. i tried going out and sitting near jia cong, but i could'nt get out and behind jia cong were some weird people.. so in the end i was stuck to sitting there.. sorry jia cong and weiling, the "plan" didn't go smoothly... the next half of the concert as GREAT, FABULOUS and yeah, GREAT!

Jie sang really really really really time inifinity WELL! i got hooked immediately! her live singing is better than the ones she recorded! but the rock band wasn't really very good though, the vocals need to improve and the guitar had to louder.. but still everything went pretty well. the audience shouted for an ENCORE!!

after the concert, we went down to find jie, gave her another flower! charles (jia hong) had to go off first. Sheng Loong also left after a while. then i told 'bel how to get home from there. after that we went to say bye to Jie, (we = Mark, Yufei, me) she was really sweet, gave us each a hug {: thanks Jie for everything! and sorry that we couldn't meet you after your packing up.. we had to go home.. jia cong left home before us too. after that mark, yufei and i went to adams road to eat. on the way there i spotted bel at the bus stop. but she didn't see me though.

we had a mini feast. had roti john, lime juice, satay and mee pok! thank you mark for the treat! shall return you with one next time (: i shan't talk about what we talked on the table cause it wasn't me that was speaking then.. umm, don't know how to explain but yeap..

after that we separate and left for home, gave each other farewell hugs and byebyes. then yufei and i went to take 852, talked on the bus about life and school and stuff. then i i listened to some songs after he'd alighted.

after i got home, i slept quite soon.

yupp, so that's what happened yesterday (:

love,
emma

2006-07-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

hey everyone!

today's friday, and friday's are good days. woke up a lil bit later than usual today. then tried studying ting xie on the bus. but i failed!!! ended up sleeping... reached school and found out sun rise today was so pretty! somehow i always don't bring my camera when there are nice shots to take. reached school, almost immediately left for flag raising, with the stuff tested during ting xie in my hands. after flag raising was IA presentation. IA for Industrial Attachment. i dunnoe which one i should go for, but i'm quite interested in the Marina Mandarin Hotel one. SO COOL!

right after that was chinese period, where we went through some worksheets first before ting xie started. shuzong's presentation was informatory but no pictures >< so it made the whole package not as interesting. after chinese was social studies, nothing much happened actually, just that we were talking about umm, birth rates and stuff? i don't understand why people won't want to have kids! they are so CUTE! oh my gosh! i'm NOT paedophilic by the way.

after that was literature! hey Ee Chu! i'm so sorry! you were trying to summarise the story for me but in the end got scolded by Ms Chien. thanks so much and sorry.. Ee Chu's nice and big, and one of the few remaining nice guys out there.. sigh~ i don't think there are really guys that could really think these days, especially those of my age group. we were having this discussion with our chinese language teacher yesterday, and i was TOTALLY DISGUSTED. we were talking a little bit about BGR, and what love is really all about. Huang LaoShi asked us if we were willing to have someone who looks very bad as a girlfriend. and most of them were like "NO". then Ee Chu and i were trying to go against the majority, but i knew it would turn out really bad cause they'll just think i'm lying. but seriously, what can i get from lying about all these?

i tell you, from my heart, that i don't like to judge people from their exteriors. i might do that accidentally occasionally, but i really hope i could feel who a person really is, and not look at who that person is. are looks really that important? what's important is the heart and soul am i right? everyone's saying that and it is really starting to get really cliche, but seriously, who walking the talk! i hope guys could change their mindset, and love someone not because of how they look, but how they feel like. beauty comes from the heart, not the skin. it's the unblemished, true form of beauty. people might think i'm just talking rubbish BUT it's what i feel. i rather choose a good heart, than a thousand "so-called-beauties", and spend my whole lifetime with her. talking about all these just makes me so frustrated and depressed cause guys these days are PLAIN DUMB and STUPID! they have eyes made of.. crudely speaking, CRAP. and guys out there, don't blame me for being a lil feminist on this topic. people might dislike me for this post, but guys out there! see with your HEART! not with other stuff especially the thing under your belly button. PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU

okay, so after lit was recess, where i had mixed rice from the green plate store. i also went to copy maths worksheet, Wenbo was there and helped me photocopy with his card. thanks so much (:

after recess was double physics period, which was practical, but i felt really weird and in the end i ended up copying most of the results from others. shall try to change that. i can do physics theory, but for me the practicals aren't my niche area. after physics was END OF SCHOOL DAY! whee! after that i went to do math, and went for Post Mortem for ProEd Nite really late. i think we're going to have another one soon. then Alfred told me to accompany him for awhile at the library while waiting for Qihan and Zhong Han to arrive. i left after they came for RGS. anyway, thanks Alfred for telling me how to get there (:

so i went to take 154 to raffles town club, changed to 190 and went to RGS. at first it felt really weird, cause it's all girls around you and you get really WEIRD stares. moreover, i didn't bring my phone today, so everything was really bad! and i didn't know where to meet Jie cause there were two gates!! one at the bus stop, another further up inside. oh yeah, i went to RGS to pick up the tickets for tomorrow's guitar nite from Jie.

so i waited at the bus stop, i was quite worried at first because i don't know whether i was at the right place. i saw a few people that i know, one 11SLC fac.. forgot her name >< sorry. then i met Angeline, still remember who she is? Weiling's friend! refer to past posts. then i decided to borrow her phone to try calling Jie, but she didn't pick up. so i continued waiting there. then after a while, there was a dark blue pinafore in front of me. IT WAS JIE! she then gave me the tickets, but the people behind were gossiping.. right...

then Zhong Ning, i hope i didn't remember her name wrongly, came along. later they went back inside school to try selling more tickets. then they came back soon and we left for Toa Payoh MRT on 105, we spotted Shi Hua when we were on the bus, but she didn't see us ><

we alighted at Toa Payoh, walked to the MRT. we = Jie, Zhong Ning, two RGS juniors, me. don't know the juniors though..
Jie and Zhong Ning stopped at bishan MRT while i continued to Yishun. i met a year 2 junior at MRT! we chatted while we walked to the bus interchange. he wasn't coping well with chinese. jiayou! you can do it!

waited for 812 to get me home, reached home soon later. nothing much happened at home later except that i got a long nice nap. two of my elder brothers, Andrew and Isaac brought their girlfriends for dinner. somehow i didn't get 75% of the stuff they were saying ><

okay, shall sign off now! this is a really LOOOOONG post.
see ya!

love,
~emma

2006-07-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

heyy people!

i have a really strange dream last night about a certain someone, shall not say who. IT IS REALLY WEIRD okay..

hmm, nothing much happened today, except for two things during school.

first thing: i lost my way while trying to get to my class for PE lesson.

this is not the first time, but i forgot which sport my class was supposed to do, so after i left Mrs. Mok, i went to the Hall, then to ping pong area, looked down to the basketball court, then went to the track, then to the swimming pool, then finally i remembered that my class was doing volleyball, so i went to the volleyball courts ><

when i reached there, the bell was going to ring in about 15 minutes already! haha, and i was soaking wet when i was there, but i wasn't able to do PE today due to my flu.

second thing: MATH TEST POSTPONED!

whee! it's postponed to next wednesday!

oh, another thing happened, i lost my math and chem textbooks, hope i could claim them back tomorrow. i think i left them at the poolside cafe... mhmmm..

oh, i'm quite troubled with something though. today i went to see the guys train, i was ill so i didn't do anything. then Joseph made an announcement. he said that during the december holidays, we should not go overseas at all. so now i'm quite stuck in a dilemma, to go or not to go... i wanna go cause of my mom, and partly for myself too, it's been a long time since i really went out with my mom.. but on the other hand, my team mates need me too.. but i'm trying to make a compromise with Joseph. he told me to write a letter of why i should go on vacation overseas and yet STILL can participate in nationals next year... it would certainly be a tough letter to write.

i think i would stop here for today, be happy everyone!
GOD BLESS

muack!
emma

2006-07-01T23:57:00.000+08:00

hey people!

today's saturday, but i spent the whole day at home cause i fell ill.
had fever in the morning. but i did go out at night for my
grandmother's birthday celebration.
basically, nothing much happened today as compared to yesterday.

FRIDAY'S a good, great day! except the part where i have to leave early
for training to meet the facs that are going for dinner. and i scored a
borderline A1 for maths quiz! whoopee! then i got full marks for
chinese spelling! haha.

oh, another great achievement, NEVER SLEEP during lessons for the WHOLE
DAY!

so after lessons, i went to meet Godpa at carpark and we had lunch
together. sorry eric, in the end you had to look for mr tan yourself.
we had fish soup at bukit timah food centre, then after that he fetched
me to mac ritchie.

training was okay, just that my back is starting to hurt once more...

after training was mini mini mini mini mini FACS outing!!!! wheee!
should have brought a camera though

so, i left mac ritchie for bishan, and met weiling there, and i made a
new catholic friend! it's a friend of weiling. angeline's her name.
so after that angeline, weiling and i went around j8, walking aimlessly
till davin came, and angeline got to go. so weiling and i went to meet
davin. then somehow we ended up in the S11 outside j8. davin and
weiling had ban mian while i didn't have anything cause i still have to
go home for dinner. then later, zhenyang called davin and told him that
he got lost and didn't know how to go to S11. so i went to thaiexpress
to meet him and i brought him there. zhenyang's crazy!!! haha, he was
like shouting VERY LOUDLY, everytime he did it, everyone was staring,
davin, weiling and i were like, totally traumatised. we talked there
while eating (zhenyang had a share of weiling's food cause she couldn't
finish). then later we went to j8, then went to bishan mrt to meet
jiacong and rachel! they had parent-teacher gathering before that, and
they were wearing formal school attire. after that, qihan and alfred
came too! and we went to mac donalds. qihan had fillet-o-fish meal,
alfred had... i'm not sure. after a while, rachel left. then weiling
and i went window shopping but later we ended up staring at them from
2nd floor, trying to see if they could spot us. but nope, they didn't.
and then we joined them back after 5 minutes of blank staring. we
talked a lil bit after that, and left for home.. i'll miss them a lot.

anyway, looks doesn't matter, your heart do. always remember.

love,
~emma

2006-06-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

okay, i think i've been too self-deluding,
perhaps she does understands. she felt my change from primary school to
secondary school life. right now, i dont know what to say. she's
talking to me right now. and she's asking me if i really want to
continue with this "life"
she doesn't expect a lot, she just wants me to try my best and follow
God's path. do i really want the things i'm achieving, or am i forcing
myself to do it.

speechless,
~emma

2006-06-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

hmm, i'm feeling quite sad now.
cause i don't think mom really knows me as a person. she's still
treating me as if i have a mind of a very young child. i don't blame
her for that, but mom, i have grown up. all those words that you said
hurt me although you don't know about it. it hurts to see you treat me
like i have a mind of a dumb, rebellious child. but, i'm not. and i'm
trying not to. but somehow, no matter what i do, it just seems that
i've not done enough, and that you just don't understand the real
person beneath my skin. i'm not raphael, i'm not andrew and i'm not
isaac. i'm matthew, so can you treat me as an individual? i have my own
dreams, my own likes, my own problems and my own principles. it's not
like i don't know about the people around me that cares, in fact, i'm
very sensitive about it. just that i don't know how to show it. i know
you love me, and it hurts me to see you doing all these for me. but it
hurts even more when i realise you don't know the true person's that's
deep inside. the person that knows what he's doing and probably
suffering from some sorts of weird mental illness. i really don't know
what to say at this point. godpa, godma, i really don't know what to
do, what to say and how i should think and feel. i'm kind of stuck in a
dilemma right now.
basically, what happened was that Mdm. Wong called today, and talked to
dad about me. She asked about me and asked why i was sleeping during
lessons. then my dad tried to explain to her whatever he knew. and i
feel very comforted by his actions. all he said to me after the call
was to sleep earlier next time and not to do it again. that's it. then
mom came back and dad told her about what Mdm. Wong said. then she
started asking me those weird questions. come on mom, i have a heart,
and somehow it's incredibly soft and you are, in my opinion, totally
unaware of it. i will try my best to be the best son ever, but i always
fail and i always don't keep my promises that i say to you. but please,
i do know how much you do for me, i'm not stupid and insensitive. i
wanna cry, cry all these pain out of my heart. but, the tears just
can't seem to roll out. and i'm sure when i start, i won't be able to
stop. i will try my best to sleep earlier, never to sleep during
lessons again. but first and foremost, please give me some time to
change and adapt to the new situation around me. i will try to be the
son you project me to be. i will live according to your way, i will
sacrifice my own loves to please you. but i need time.

pain and hurt,
~emma

2006-06-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

heyy everyone,

nothing special happened today, just that i found out i still need like
10 plus hours for NYAA silver!!!
oh gosh, have to go do some voluntary work. i think i might do very
badly for trigo this term ><
hmmm, i have severe short term memory today, share be memorising stuff
now for tomorrow's vocab test.

see ya!

love,
~emma

2006-06-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

heyy everyone!

today was fine. wouldn't talk about happenings due to major time
constraint ><

but, i do want to touch on one topic. which is my bad temper.. hmm,
somehow, i think it's getting worse. HOWEVER, i think God's guiding me
along the way, cause i could see my wrong-doings clearer these days.

but still have to apologise to everyone that i've affected just because
of my selfish tantrums.

remember to chill always before making a decision. CHILL is the way.

love,
emma

Deleted photos!

2006-06-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

OH my Gosh!

dear everyone,

i accidentally deleted photos from my camera, which means that for the
first corporation outing, the photos are gone forever!!! i'm feeling so
bad right now. oh man, arghh.. sigh, why did i delete em. ehmmmm...
very sad..

okay, now on to the happenings of the day. today's a special day. not
cause it's a monday, but because it's the day when school reopens, when
all the fears of failing tests are coming back. so, in hopes of making
this term better, i will have to try to work harder, which might mean
that i'll have less time for better stuff, like blogging. although
classifying it as better stuff is politically incorrect, i guess i feel
is true, self discovery is more important than words and logical
stuffs, knowledge is power, but only wisdom can push you further. that
is what i believe. so in the morning, got awakened by mom, as usual, if
not i might be late for school. thank you mom! then i went to school.
saw jingbo on the bus!

then i went to class, went to get the newspapers for morning reading
period, and went for flag raising, the skies were really pretty, i hope
it signifies a good start of the term. class today was okay, just that
i felt a little sleepy during physics cause i was a little bit lost,
sorry mr tieu... but i'll keep up.

after school was AEP, we spent our time doing some modifications, and
doing what we might be able to do really well, umm, slacking ><

however, we should be able to finish everything by the dateline we set
for ourselves.

i kept seeing the facs room today, and everytime when i see it, i'll
start to remember all the stuff that has happened. it almost seems like
nothing has happened before, and nothing was real. everything was a
dream, was just the best dream i could ever have, but one thing for
sure, the friends i met in my dream are real. they are , on this world,
and not in some strange dimension. which i feel quite relieved when i
know about it.

everything just seems to pass so fast. i have a feeling twenty years
down the road, i might be reading this post again, when i'm 35, and
i'll be thinking about all the thing's i've down for the past 35 years
of my life. then, i do not want to regret choices i have made. i
believe that God will lead the way if i put my faith in him.

just hope that the good times could drag longer, and the bad times
would pass quickly. but that's highly impossible because it's often the
opposite. but still, i;m still looking forward to the many wonders of
life. looking forward to the future, looking forward to my new sets of
dreams.

reality shoo! but i know you're here to stay.

with love,
emma

2006-06-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

hey people,

no time to blog but, would just like to say that i love how i spent my
june holidays, i love renmark, i love slc, i love the ot, i love the
facs, i love my family and everyone else.

have a good time in reality people, the pain is setting in... the
sedative is dying down. but, the love shall last, i hope, forever.

love everyone
love everyone
love everyone

love renmark outing
hope shihua and yanlin would get better
love God for all these gifts

give me strength and hope.
pray for everyone.

tears shall be shed once more.

love, pain and faith,
~emma

2006-06-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

hey people!

i found out 1 of the many reasons why i shouldn't be a boyfriend right
now or why i shouldn't be involved in a BGR at this point in time.

and it is IMPATIENT

i'm very very intolerant to nagging, and i get frustrated really
easily. must change that, and many other things or i'll hurt people...

okay, this is a very random post.

love,
~emma

2006-06-23T18:18:00.000+08:00

hello everyone,

this is the first (not taking into account the introductory sketch) sketch in the emma the bunny series. hope you like it. it expresses my current emotion and feelings.

LOVE,
~emma

P.S. i decided to do with away disabling right clicking. so now onwards you can take the pictures that would be uploaded (:

emma the bunny rabbit

2006-06-23T18:15:00.000+08:00

hello people,

for those who have been reading my blog since august last year, the character Mr. Lonely should be quite familiar to you.

but from now, he would be replaced by a new character, emma the bunny rabbit.

hope you guys will like it.

LOVE,
~emma

2006-06-23T16:32:00.000+08:00

hello blog,

sorry for not posting yesterday, was too crazy about writing songs. haha, seems like i still can't go on with my before-SLC life. hmm, nothing much happened yesterday besides writing songs. trained in the morning, then went home before training ended cause my back was aching and felt a little dizzy ><

went to junction 8 to get myself beef soup with rice cause i guess the dizziness was caused by low blood sugar, didn't have breakfast in the morning yesterday. didn't have the time. sorry Godpa&ma, wanted to have breakfast but woke up too late. i think i'm quite sensitive to low blood sugar cause this isn't the first time i felt dizzy during training if i didn't eat. must change that.

oh yeah, have to thank jingbo and jean ting for being my guinea pigs for my second song! haha, it seems like more people liked the first one more, maybe it's cause i rushed the second one, that's why the result wasn't as good (: but still, thank you all for the encouragement. oh and weiling too! haha, you taught me a new word and expanded my vocab! and thanks for seconding the second song ><

okay, what else, hmm, oh yeah, somehow i ended up in 11SLC's recollections page. then i found out a track that wasn't of any notice this year. it was "Say Goodbye" by S Club. just to let you know, that song was something like a parting song for them before they broke up and went their separate ways, so it was really powerful and very emotional. then i downloaded one of the slides that they used last year during the finale, it was the last slide about the last day. i watched it, listened to the song, and somehow, started crying real bad. hmmm, somehow the memories of both SLCs just came back and gave me a huge BANG. and that heart wrenching feeling was, really hard to describe.. but i'm totally addicted to the song. it's really very very nice. i wanted to share it with the rest of the SLC facs, but i guess i shall keep silent for now cause i don't want to affect them 3 days before school reopens. if they go back to square one and get stuck in the place i'm in now, i don't think they'll be able to concentrate very hard..

okay, so that's a round-up for the happenings for yesterday. for today, i woke up at 10 plus, was supposed to wake up at like, hmm, 8 at least? but of course, the ideal doesn't always occur. yup, so i woke up, and brushed my teeth, had overnight pizzas and lipton tea for breakfast.

oh yeah, before i had breakfast, i went to the loo, that isn't important. but i listened to "Say Goodbye" once more and started crying AGAIN. hmmm, have to try to get over all the sadness.

my back's still hurting a little bit when i exert it, so can't help my mom with the laundry today.. sorry mom. so i started on homework, or at least tried to. but images of SLC and faces of facs just came bombarding my mind. so i plugged in the earphones into my ear. tried to find some songs that would be able to help forget for a little while. i found "Let it Be" by Beatles, a song created when they were going to break up too, but it carries a more heck-care attitude, something i really need at that juncture to blind myself from the things that happened from 31st to 3rd of june 2006 and 13th to 16th june 2005.. so i started to do my work, struggling at first but the numbing effect of the song worked for the aching thing between my lungs. just mentioning that word will cause me to remember everything once more. because that's where i store all the memories, not in my mind, but in that place. it's for special memories that i will never forget.

so i managed to do some work. and now i'm blogging. yup, have to get back to work already. and thank you everyone that loves and cares for me. you just don't know how much appreciation i have for you all. i love you guys a lot too.. seems like i'm back into my emo mood again. must listen to more "Let it Be" ><

okay, umm, please pray for yanlin and shihua, they're ill. really hope they'll get better soon.. school's going to start. hmm, take care everyone, this is not a time to fall ill ><

i guess that's all for now. not sure if i could drop by alf's conglo outing later to celebrate shirin and elynn's birthday. my body might be here at home, but my heart belongs there. feel my presence, cause i am there in spirit. sounds really eerie, but yeah.

till the next time!

LOVE and a few drops of tears,
~emma

P.S. this is totally random but please don't say goodbye..

2006-06-22T00:22:00.000+08:00

hey blog,

i'm feeling quite gloomy right now, so i don't really feel like
remembering the things i've done today, feeling quite tired and
frustrated. frustration due to my lack of inspiration for a new song.
sigh~ things like these used to come really easily, but the tap was
shut off, and somehow nothing comes to me anymore.. but i believe that
tomorrow might be a better day, and i'm looking forward to it. hmmm,
yanlin's still ill, so i'm kinda worried. davin and alfred's going to
simlim square tomorrow, not sure whether i should go or stay at home..

sigh~ i'm becoming more fickle-minded, everything's getting so cloudy
up there inside the head. but i guess it will all be over soon. i guess
no one actually really understands the stuff i'm feeling right now, the
confusion and tire of everything. which is really bad, speaking in the
political correct sense.

but oh well, i guess there will be times when you feel like this, down
and all alone. i remember there was this time my friend used a phrase
for her MSN nick. it was, " alone in the crowds" or something like
that. i feel that very often. feel like i'm the only one standing down
there although there are so many people right beside me, around me.

i think this post is really pessimistic, hope you won't be infected by
this contagious virus of gloominess.

it's 12 sharp right now, if you dont take into account the seconds.

okay, it's 12.05 now.

time is slowly ticking away
right before your eyes
nothing seems to go in your way
everything as cold as ice

staring at the keyboard
wondering how you are
cooped inside an empty ward
with no chocolate bar

come on now
it is time to go
time to take an ending bow
but you just say no

why won't you leave
cause i want to stay
but adam, go and find your eve
i'm going my way

how do i end this
i really don't know how
cutting my wrist?
nah, just let out a growl

just an awfully random random dumb poem.. dadada.

umm, anyway, i really hope tomorrow will be a much better day. and God
bless dearies.

love,
~emma

2006-06-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling really confused. it's something about relationships, but NOT BGR. i don't have a girlfriend currently and i feel okay being single. however, there are always these heart-wrneching times when you feel that something's not right about a relationship that you have with a certain someone, might not be someone in particular, but just someone. and you feel very very confused, partly because you do not know what to do, what he/she feels, how you should react..

these are the times when you really get really confused and think that you are really dumb.

sometimes, i really do not know what to do.

i'm always afraid of overdoing it or underdoing it, if there was such a word. when i care too much, it might be sweet at first, but later, as time goes on, it becomes really annoying, so i really don't know what to do. i still care a lot, but i don't really know how to show it to you, how to show how much i love and care for you. and i don't want you to dislike me.. so i'm really confused..

then, if i care too little, you might think that i don't care anymore, and that i'm not interested and that everything was just a short termed thing. which i think is not. i really do not know what to do, what to say or actually what to think...

can someone help out a little bit? help is really really appreciated. thanks
oh, and i really still love you a lot. for people reading this blog, love does not equate to a boy-girl relationship AND i am perfectly straight thank you.

feeling very bad and emotional right now. my apologies..

with love and feeling very confused,
~emma

P.S. i might just be paranoid though, but i don't think so...

2006-06-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

hey blog!

everything started today by dad's wake up call. today, mom isn't at
home in the morning because she went for the morning mass. it rained
quite heavily in the morning though. so i set off for training a little
later. i think i'm running out of inspiration.. less ideas for photos.
so i might be taking a break for now. and when i continue again, i'll
probably just do one photo a day. unless of course God gives me
something to work on.

so i reached mac ritchie at around 8.40 plus. it was still raining, so
i ate breakfast at the small shelter near the launching area. bought
the breakfast before boarding the bus for mac ritchie. for breakfast, i
had some mee with luncheon meat, once again. training was fine today,
just that the number of repetitions have been decreased to 25, but the
number of sets to 4. paddling was fun, cause i took a raptor K1! for
those who don't know, a raptor is a much sleeker, newer boat as
compared to the last version, which is named a tiger. what a misnomer,
it's kinda slow... hmm, so after training, we had to pack up, we took
more than the given time, so we had to stay in push-up position until
everyone reaches. i guess our team just has to be more efficient and
bonded, or else how could we win the nationals next year? but i believe
with effort, we would pull through. jiayou everyone!

after training, i went to eat at the chicken rice stall near coronation
plaza. and i found out the best, time-wasting method of eating chicken
rice is to buy roasted chicken rice, remove the fat from the skin, eat
the skin. that was why i wasted 20 plus minutes just to eat that small
little plate of chicken rice! okay, i'm totally lipid-phobic, if there
was such a word ><

so after that, i went to orchard to meet wenbo for HRP. i was there
quite early, so i went to walk around taka and wisma. oh, and i fell
asleep on my way there on the bus and i almost missed the stop. praise
the Lord! so, i first walked to Taka via wisma from orchard MRT. went
pass mirrors, nice smells from Famous Amos >< then i got to taka, went
out to the street, trying to find some sort of inspiration for my
shutterfly albums. can't find any though... oh yeah! before i got out
to the street, i saw Sophia! the co-fac of jasper. but i was thinking
bout something so i stoned and didn't really respond to her call. so
sorry!! yeah, so right after i got out of the door, i saw Kim Ng, and
one of those newcomer TV show hosts. i quickly got away though. then i
walked to the traffic junction between paragon and taka, finding no
inspiration, i decided to turn back and headed for the library. before
going to the library, i went to "fourum" where artfriend and stuffs
were. then i went to the library to look for magazines as wenbo wasn't
there yet. however, after i realised i was late, i messaged him, and
found out later when he called me that he would be very late and hence,
he told me to start first. so i started searching for the books. can
find only a few though. when he really turned up, he was 40 minutes
late >< but i can't blame him, cause he had farewell lunch with Mr.
Foo, who will be going back to ACS to teach. All the best there!

so after that, we tried looking for books. wenbo borrowed some of them.
we left the library at 5 plus, or was it 6 plus? hmm, not very sure
already. then after that, we went to kinokuniya, looked around and went
to get donuts from below. after that we went separate ways home. i
reached yishun at almost 7. then i took 812 back home.

i reached home, did nothing much till now, had dinner, and yeah, now i
have to leave already, gotta go shower.
anyway, i shall be turning in earlier tonight cause i think i'm going
to fall ill. and yanlin still isn't well!!! starting to get really
worried. please pray for her, school is starting soon...

see you soon!

love,
~emma

2006-06-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

heyy diary!

this is my second post for the day cause i didn't have time to post
yesterday and i postponed yesterday's post to today... not that was
random.. haha.

umm,moving on to what i did today. so as usual, the wake up calls, not
from mom, but from dad! okay, so after that, i woke up, not that i
wanted to, but i had to. then i brushed my teeth, and stuffs. then i
packed my bag for training and studying later. after that was breakfast
with my parents. when i went down to the coffee shop, dad has finished
eating already, mom was almost done. then i went to order bee hoon,
kway teow with sunny-side up eggs, a slice of luncheon meat and those
small fish thingies, ikan bilis, forgot its english name! someone help!
haha. okay, so after that, i walked to the bus stop and i saw my bus
going off!! then i decided to take 853 to "chase" the bus. i managed
to, near bullion park which is at the lentor area. boarded bus 855, and
sat on a seat, and waited for the bus to bring me to my destination.
when i reached mac ritchie, it was raining rather heavily, so i stoned
at the overhead bridge for a few seconds, then i decided that i should
get going, and the rain isn't as heavy as i thought, so i started
walking to the kayak shed. i saw wee tseng and elisha over there. after
that elisha went to get the keys for the shed from Coach Joseph. BUT, i
found out later he was stoning outside the toilet, and not getting the
keys. so i went to get the keys from joseph. after that, due to the
rain, the session got pushed back a lil bit, but during the in between,
Joseph did some pep-talking. after that was the usual weights training.
no running today. and for early leavers like jiawei, me, wee tseng and
kee en, no paddling for us. jiawei, wee tseng and i went for lunch at
adam's road. had nasi lemak!! so sinful >< but yeap. oh and i saw a few
scgs girls, two of them were from last year's exchange program, could
recognise them.

after that i went to school to meet wenbo in the robotics room. we
discussed about HRP. after that was studying session with qihan, davin.
davin, jin yao and dominic went to bukit timah plaza KFC first because
they haven't ate lunch yet. so after that qihan and i went to join them
while alfred went for his competition at Singapore badminton
association around geylang area.

oh, this is really random but, i have a new catch phrase! it is...
DADADA! so cool right? it can be a censor, a random commentary, or just
dadada! ><

so we studied there. yanlin came a little bit later cause she had
school. HOWEVER, some of her friends went around looking at us with
weird stares, yanlin told us not to care about them. so we just
continued studying. then comes davin's waterpolo seniors. and for those
who don't know the year 4 waterpolo people, they are really funny and
umm, yeah, funny.

so we had trouble studying at first due to external disturbances from
waterpolo seniors and weird RV staring peoples

so we had peaceful studying, after that qihan left for training, while
three of us still stayed. i went to get chocolate! 1 big bar to share
amongst the three of us. later davin got bored and decided to fold
origami, i still continued doing logarithms, and in the process keep
getting stuck at MANY questions. yanlin switched to english from math.
she looked very tired and sleepy. must be those late nights and her
just-recovered-from-illness-body that's causing them all. but i feel
quite guilty myself for calling her out, should have told her to go
home and rest or something..

then after that, alfred came, and we couldn't study anymore! as usual
>< after alfred finished his carrot cake IN KFC!!!, we went back home.
i took bus back with davin to school and i changed to 852, which didn't
take very long to come. on the bus i met a SO guy, and i started
talking to him, the rest of the journey after he alighted was sleep
time!

then i ran for 812, the bus that brings me home from the interchange.

got home, dinner, comp, bathe, blog, shutterfly, sleep.

yupp, need not elaborate right? haha.

so i guess i should be stopping here already, getting really late. oh
and i hope the RGS PSB people are having fun at chalet. and pray for
yanlin, she fell ill once again, feeling quite worried ><

lots of love,
~emma

New blog!

2006-06-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

hello! my first time blogging on this new blog. as you might be able to
see, i'm trying to blog as frequent as possible.

anyway, hope you guys love this blog as much as i do, although its a
lil bit weird here and there, but yeah. i did it on my own (: okay, not
entirely but i slowly edited it from my old blog till it looked like
this! haha, spent quite a long time though.

okay, so today, life was starting as usual by mom's wake up call. BUT
it failed! i continued sleeping ><

then when i finally woke up, i found out that i was almost late for
mass already!!! ohmy gosh! so i went to prepare myself, and got to get
the bus. however, after waiting for a few minutes, i realised i should
just go for the later service. which i think was a wise decision ><
okay, so what happened was i went back home, changed back into comfy
clothing, switched on the comp, stoned, packed bag, left for church. i
got screen stuck, so in the end i was late for church by a minute. must
not be late anymore! hmpf... okay, today we are celebrating the feast
of Corpus Christi, also known as the body and blood of christ. yupp, so
Fr. Lim gave the homily. he talked about people abusing the communion,
for non-Catholic out there, the communion is a piece of unleavened
bread, however, Catholics believe that is really the flesh of Christ
the Lord when he died for us on the cross. something i really noticed
and struck me was the part that he compared the majority of Protestant
beliefs to the Catholic belief on this topic, the holy communion. for
Protestants, they take the communion symbolically, however, for
Catholics, we believe that is really the body of Christ.

okay, so i also got to realise that catechism starts on 2 July, which
is both a good and bad thing. the good thing is i get to see my friends
and know more about God. the bad thing is that i get less time for my
other friends. but i guess God is more important, although this is
highly debatable.. but sorry! i'm a Catholic! haha, okay then, after
church, i went back home, not straight home though, i done my
reflective photography on my way back. for more info, go to
http://emmabunny.shutterfly.com/

so after that, i went back home, switched on the computer again, and
starting uploading photos to shutterfly, and making this new blog!
later we had dinner prepared by my eldest brother, sunday is his
cooking day! haha (:

after that, what happen was, hmm, not very sure, cause i'm doing this
post 1 day later... but i guess i did some researching for HRP, short
for humanities research paper. as you can see, many of my words i try
not to capitalise due to my injured fourth finger, and i'm lazy to type
shift with the other fingers... so yea, sorry ><

okay, shall move on to my next post bout today! see ya!

love,
emma

2006-06-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

hello blog!

today i did quite a lot of stuff (nothing concerning homework though)

in the morning, i woke up earlier than usual and ate breakfast, rice with fish. haha, yea. then left home for training. today we paddled at the side of the reservoir cause they had time trials for national team selection. after that was weights. chiajone and feefee was here today! so glad. but i cut myself twice today >< once while opening the canoe rack door, another when i was doing weights. hmm, all the weights are rusting though, mac ritchie too humid i guess...

then after that i tried calling davin to see whether he wants to go to simlim square. i called him and i think i disturbed his beauty sleep. i'm so sorry! then joseph reminded me that i'm the vice-cap, so i should go for training more often. i was missing for the first two weeks. but i will never regret. cause the first week was SLC, and i made so many new friends there. second week was leadership camp for juniors. yupp, i loved that too cause i really love my juniors, this batch at least. they're really nice and understanding, oh and VERY enthusiastic too. yupp, so no regrets.

after that mom called. i told her i would reach home at about 2.30 and she said okay. she needed to prepare lunch, so she had to ask me for my "arrival" thanks so much mom. i think you'll never know how much i want to thank you. but i really love you. hope you'll forgive me for all the dumb things i do though..

then after that chiajone and i went to change into fresh set of clothes (can't imagine myself going to J8 with tights ><) i took a very long long time but chiajone waited. thanks so much! you're sweet too (: after that we chatted on the bus bout 12SLC and past SLCs on the way to J8, from the bus stop, to 156. then i dropped. then i suddenly felt this urge to revisit the places we've been to that day during facs outing. so i decided to take my camera along and do a photographed reflection about everything. my life, my friendships, what i should do..

those interested could go to "http://emmabunny.shutterfly.com/" it's under the album "REVISITing the past"

after that i went to ntuc at J8 and bought soya bean milk. my trademark yea? haha ><
drank it ad went to MUJI, the japanese import stall inside of seiyu in J8. got a light blue pen and orange refill. the pen's quite nice to write with (:

after that i went home by MRT, or else i wouldn't be able to reach home on time.

reached yishun, took 812 back home whilst listening to SLC songs.

reached home, ate lunch, done a lot of chores! have this sense of accomplishment ><
then while i was going to wash the toilet (yes, i do that) i thought of a new song! thought of the chorus a least. it would be called "revisit" familiar eh? haha

then after that was dinner, and doing stuff at the comp. uploading photos, checking slc stuffs. and then blogging!
that was basically how i spent my day till now, chatting on msn now with renmark pple (: love em.

shall stop here i guess (:

will update on the song.

LOVE,
~emma

2006-06-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

hello! today i shall talk about maintaining a good relationship, particularly a good friendship based on my past experiences

golden rule #1

- be true to yourself and your friend

this is the only way you could maintain a long, strong friendship, no lies between

golden rule #2

- give constructive comments

situation to situation, take different facades, when your friend is happy, play and joke, when he/she is sad, be a good advisor

golden rule #3

- listen more than you talk

only when you think about him/her more than yourself, it is then called a relationship, or else, it would be just useless rambling and mythical characters in fairy-tales

golden rule #4

- sensitivity

be sensitive to everything around you, his/her needs and feelings

golden rule #5

selflessness

- he/she always comes first. remember that

golden rule #6

- never ever exploit his/her weaknesses

never betray your friends, even if you don't get along as well as before after some bad incidents, never bad mouth him/her. just remember the times you enjoyed together

golden rule #7

- be trustworthy

never spill the beans about secrets and don't be late for appointments

golden rule #8

- be generous with hugs

sometimes they need warmth, love and care. give it to them

golden rule #9

- be quick to forgive

remember, forgetting is human, forgiving is divine. everyone is human and are bound to make mistakes here and then, so it might not be enitrely his/her fault!

golden rule #10

- never judge by outsides

this is one of the most important of all golden rules. always look at people's insides, not their outsides. this is something many can no longer do, but trust me, do it and you'll find many true friends

DIAMOND rule

- LOVE THEM LIKE YOU LOVE YOURSELF! begin with yourself (:
then expand outwards, let your love travel to the ends of the world

10 golden rules and 1 diamond rule

love,
~emma

2006-06-16T21:43:00.000+08:00

i think i shall start blogging again, need a space for all my emotions.
its been two weeks since the last day of SLC, tomorrow's winnie's birthday though

yupp, 14 days, but i just cant seem to let go, so many emotions, so many people, so many faces, so many images, so much memories,

walking down the memory lane, all you can feel is pain, pain of having to leave all these behind, pain of having to see these go just like that. pain that people might soon start to forget about everything, and just continue with their lives

scars embedded deep in my heart, seems like i'm never ever gonna forget all the things we've done together, all the songs we sang, all the tears we shared, all the laughter that we smiled away.

who would come to care? lots of people, the facs, jie, ot members, participants and everyone else

i see you crying all alone, in the auditorium, after the finale, in the facs room. were we all alone in the crowds or were we really connected in heart and spirit? really joined together as one body

i gave you one big hug, one huge embrace, hoping to take away all your pain, all your tears and give all my smiles to you..

in the sparkle of our tears, as the light reflects off the drop of water from the eye,

i could see our future, i will be back with all of you once more, everyone, every single one of you, of us

12SLC, it changed my life, changed my thoughts, changed my heart and soul

this friendship, i hope, will last long, very long for almost eternity. it's all i wish

love, and lotsa tears...
emma

2006-04-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

I hope this post is reader-friendly cause i am gonna try closing my eyes to type. haha, need rest...

okay, so the usual wake up sequence of having raphael to shake me awake, hmmm, must really try to not pester him by keep going back to sleep.

nothing much actually happened in school today, just that victor is very mean!!! keep laughing at the way pple speak. so mean right? then go make fun of how wenbo says "example". come on vic, no one's perfect, let them learn from their mistakes and don't keep using it as a tool to hurt their feelings kae?

whee, went to church after AEP for week day mass and confession. Looked for Father Lim for confession since he knows and could guess my sins, and i feel more comfortable confiding to him

i really really miss mr lonely... blehh i wanna go back to the old times with my mr lonely, must try to revive him. met an ex-altar server on the bus today. the really cute guy whom i forgot his name, x_x so sorry dear. and i didn't dare to ask him. he's in christ church secondary now, same as rebecca. but he's sec 1 this year. and i came back home and started skiving my whole day off, hmmm, laziness took over me for today. thats very very very BAD!! must try to correct that.

i found out i am getting more gluttony and greedy, must stop having those hungry thoughts. hmpf

okay, really gotta sleep now, see you guys soon, although i do know that not many pple do read my posts. haha

wait, in the end i still used my eyes, such a cheater =(

okay see you guys soon and keep holy during holy week. God Bless

2006-04-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,
I think I am a little bit more normal today. So this post will be a
little bit more optimistic! whoopee!
i was almost late for school today! goodness, i spent 15 minutes
packing my bag, and that's really long, must learn to pack really fast.
But on the bright side, i managed to be on the same bus as Edmond or
Edmund, my primary school senior. He's sec. 4 this year, taking chinese
Os on 29th May. He is really nice, and we chatted all the way till
Whitley Secondary School bus stop, where i ran for my 74. Praise the
Lord! i managed to catch it.
I stopped at coronation plaza, thinking that NTUC will be open as i
wanted to get batteries. However, it will only open at 9, so i had to
go to 7 Eleven to get them. When i made my payment with cashcard, the
poor counter guy thought it was NETS! hmmm, do i look that rich or
something? although i know that it is politically incorrect to say that
you are rich if you have NETS. then i walked to school and i saw a few
JC side kayaking seniors, they were doing pull-ups. After that, i went
to the canteen to have a light meal of tuna sandwich. wait... i think i
am getting too detailed... then flag-raising, then meeting with
leadership camp pals and then back to classroom, then to art block,
where i found out i am the first group to present!!! x_x

that's very very bad cause my group is not very prepared, actually, we
were not prepared at all, praying that we could at least get through
the prelims... and i slept during the session and Mr. Tan caught me in
action, or rather in no action. And i was awakened with everyone's eyes
stuck on me. NEGATIVE attention x_x
SO SORRY Mr. Tan! didn't mean to sleep, slept really late the night
before... was listening to Fr. Roderick's daily breakfast =P

after that was lunch, which was coffee, after lunch was english term
test, yet again, i am praying hard for at least a B3 grade. after that
was an appointment with Mrs. Sim. Mrs Sim is really nice, she has eyes
that could speak, they are really big and hmmm, shiny. she went through
with us the HRP paper patiently and even got books out from the
staffroom and even copied some notes for us! Thanks so much Mrs. Sim!!!
Now which HRP mentor will be so nice =D

When i was walking away, i saw Mrs. Mok with Ee Chu, teaching him math.
I hold Mrs Mok in great respect and honour as she is really a GREAT
woman, teacher and mother-figure. However, she tends to be rather
sensitive. Hence, we must be really sensitive on our part too, or we
might unknowingly hurt her feelings, like what happened yesterday. I
really pray and hope it will not happen once more. Mrs Mok is very very
patient, really patient and she's like a mother-figure to me in school,
very approachable, very nice.

after that i went home, and Godpa sent me back home from northpoint as
it was raining really really heavily. But anyway, Thanks Godpa!

it's Isaac's birthday today. Isaac's my eldest brother. AKA Da4 Ge1

we had our anticipated Mian4 Xian4 , and mango cake! how sinful =(
and Mango and Lemon sorbet too!!!
yum yum, especially when it is 99% fat free! guilt-free!!!

this post is getting really long.. hmmmm...

Oh yes, I would like to mention my Godpa today, he is a great man, who
was, is and will be always there for me. I really have no idea how to
thank him. But i guess the only thing that i can do is to be there for
him always too. He is a great advisor and someone nice to talk to.
Thank you so much Godpa, you have no idea how much i think you done for
me. LOVE you!

there's just so many people to thank, Erica and Chelsea for talking to
me especially when i was low and pessimistic. really sorry to show the
ugly side of me.

and i accidentally said the "f" word once today in a few months time!!!
arghhh, very mad with myself, shouldn't have allowed anger to get the
better side of me.

and i might be having lunch with YanLin and Augustine on saturday!
whee, anticipate it, havent met her for a long long time now.

signing off here!
see you soon and God Bless!
~matt

Back

2006-04-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

there's just so much that happened this few months, both pain and
sweet, bright and dark.
but my current mood is still blue
since that incident, i wasn't able to really smile, and i wasn't really
able to think right.
i start converting back to my bad facade, my ego went high, pride got
the better of me, and now i'm just a total pessimist.
i dont wanna be like this. just hope no one is reading this post, i
think its just not me.
went to Nerissa's school today for their investiture. it was good, but
the dance was rather revealing, made me quite uneasy.
but in anyway, it's still a great performance sista.
reconciliation is really hard. very very very hard.
but something harder is forgetting.
at first i thought forgetfulness was my niche area, but now i finally
realised that it is definitely my greatest weakness.
I am unable to put things down and move on. i get stuck in that
situation, and try to adapt to it, never able to actually climb out
from it.
my table's finally tidy and neat. but one thing for sure, my mind isn't.
i always appear to be fine on the surface, but i might just be the
person needing most help.
GOD! i wanna be closer to you, but i am very weak.
send me gifts of faith, hope and love, so that i could spread joy and
laughter to the people around me.
give me tears, so that i could just cry everything out and carry on
with my life.
give me pain and hurt, so that i might be able to use them as
painkillers for my current pain.
this is really getting pessimistic, and i just dont feel like carrying
on anymore.
see you soon,
matt

long time no see

2006-01-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

hey people, i know it has been a long time since i posted. REALLY
SORRY! really really busy. only today i managed to get a breather. much
happened true the past three weeks of school. i realised the only guy
that can really blog is ivan. he is really shen. hmmm, how does he do
it. okay, a brief summary of the past three weeks' happenings,
something happened in MAQ and i think it is broken up, i wanna sob,
haiz~ we should just put everything behind ya know, its not like its
his fault right? sometimes you should try to understand. qi han is not
that type of a person right? we have been together long enough already.
i mean, friends have to take compromises at times right? friendship is
more of giving, not taking... hope you'll understand kae?? anyway,
canoeists tried to steal my phone and read my messages, but of course i
am scandal-less right? i am matthew, duhh... Xp okay, i think i have
seriously bad memories, hence, i shall talk about what happened today.
hmm, today, i reached school rather early, then went to do pull ups,
did really little today. sorta deproved... hmpf, the ultra-regulars
didnt come today. hmm, nothing much happened today, during recess, it
was just ben, nicholas and me looking for Mrs Chu to ask for her views
on our greenwave. yup, the final answer is that our idea is a little
too common, which i also agree in a way. but we were really fortunate
to ask her first before proceeding, phew~ THANKS Mrs Chu! so today,
during AEP, i modelled mr. panda, okay, at least i tried to. then in
the end the mighty Jerrold still has to help me save it. THANKS
Jerrold! haha, just imagine how many thank yous you can say in just one
day. so after AEP was training, after training was bus trip home.
something really sweet happened!!! so sweet i am filled both with honey
and envy (it rhymes! >.< ) there was this girl lying in the embrace of
this guy, it was just so sweet, i can feel the warmth flowing... hmmm,
i am getting kinda emotional. my birthday is around one month's time
now. hope WB is not reading my blog... haha. OKAY! see you for now,
gotta go already. JIA YOU MAQ! JIA YOU JIE! JIA YOU EVERYONE! with
love, hope, faith, matt =B (< this is original smiley from an undefined
source. hehehe)

how materialistic...

2005-12-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

okay people, i know this is really materialistic. now, i shall put down
my Christmas physical wish-list now...

practical presents:
a diary (no leather jacket of course!)
a new set of stationery
someone of help me clean up my cupboard for me

non-practical presents:
iPod
adidas Originals shoes

okay, enough for the physical ones. now for the non-physical presents:

i wish for
strength,
courage,
peace,
hope,
faith,
commitment,
passion,
love

and

God's grace...

oh actually i have something else in mind, but it has to be kept in
secret. if any MAQ reading this and wanna know, i can tell ya.. oh,
most probably some people can guess. but, i have low hopes for it. just
hope 5 years will be gone in a flash. 1 and a half is that hard
already. oh, brightest, rid me of the waiting... but i will, i must.

basically, many things happened lately, too much for you guys to
possibly handle. so... maybe i shouldn't tell you guys. full of joy,
full of sadness, what can i say?

~matt

2005-11-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

heyy people. its so late already. want to sleep. but must blog first. mom left for malaysia already. only going to come back next monday. so for this few days, i have to do many things myself already. you only start realising something or someone's importance in your life when they are not there anymore. so start treasuring people around you now, start today, you never know when accidents can happen. you never know if any of your loved ones can just go like that without notice. so love them. and never regret the love you have given to them. everything started okay today. except that i forgot to put on my deodarant. but fortunately i did not really stink. phew~
before i left home, i gave mom a kiss of the cheeks, wishing her a good trip. after that i left for yio chu kang... oh no... i cannot continue anymore. shall blog today's stuff tomorrow. see you people tomorrow. got to sleep...

2005-11-25T00:33:00.000+08:00

oh no... it is so late already. must try to squeeze everything together. let me see what happened today... today morning was a bad start for a normal day. i woke up late! very late. must wake up early next time. but it was really a bad start to wake up late. i was rushing so many things happened. i took the wrong bus to training! it was supposed to be 857 but i took 851! saw the number wrongly when i entered the bus. the worst thing is that i did not find out until it went pass the turn at green castle. i am really slow... okay, so after that i took 851 all the way to little india and changed bus to 67. when i reached kallang, i was almost 40 minutes late. saddening... then i had stomachache!!! such a bad day... so after that, i told them i could not train partly because of my stomach problem and i had to leave early for orientation meeting. so at first i went to the pontoon to see hwa chong people paddle but i saw U-glen ( not sure is the name is spelled correctly ) and we started talking. he was supposed to be the backman for a dragonboat with crescent girls students. helping out one of his teachers. but then, backman is not the correct term. i forgot the correct term... so afterwards he got to go and i also left for school to meet jiawei. cause i told him i had nothing to do, so i asked him to come earlier to keep me company. so selfish. but he owes me trainings! for those who do not know, jiawei is actually my K2 partner. and recently he had to skip training cause of orientation and illness. hmpf... so before he came i read magazines. two to be exact. national geographic and runners world magazine. NG talked about longevity. i really do not understand human's rationale of wanting to live longer. humans just like to play God. but there is only one true God. so please humans! stop playing this dumb game. our lives are in God's hands. we are given freewill but please, i urge you not to abuse it. runners world magazine is my favourite magazine currently. two words "IT ROCKS!" i love it. maybe i will be registering for it. so soon after jiawei came. not that soon but also not a very long time, taking into conisderation that time just flew past really quickly while in the library. maybe it was because of the reading. so we settled down and he started doing his stuff. later augustine came. and we saw boey too. later boey left first to look for joseph tan. jiawei, augustine and me stayed in the library until about twelve twenty something ( or earlier ) and then proceeded to the area outside the staffroom. we initially wanted to eat lunch first. but it was too late. so jiacheng came up and told us that the meeting have been shifted to 1A classroom. i shan't do into the details for meeting. i was too hungry and too tired to have paid full attention anyway. and that is very very wrong... so after meeting was mass KAP mac donalds session. yuan chang, alfred, jiawei, boey, wei leong, boey and some people including me went there. boey treated me to lunch. THANKS a million for that! so after eating we joined alfred's table. 'cause at first there was only one table but it was too squeezy. so boey and i went to another table. so when we joined back, they were talking about scandals and stuff. and yuan chang was the star of the show. not that he has a lot, but he knows a lot. but i thought it was realy wrong when he said that he would only keep secrets when others tell him to promise them. i mean, others share their secrets with you because they trust you and because you are a good friend, perhaps even a soulmate. so please, secrets are only supposed to be known to a few. or what is the point of it in the first place. so after that we went to video ezy. at first we thought that we could bring our bags in now that they have installed the security system. so when we were walking in, the gentleman at the counter told us, "No bags in this premises". So i was thinking, what are the sensors for??? after looking through the titles,we went home individually. when i was walking on the overhead bridge, i saw 852 coming and ran for it, isolating myself from jiawei, augustine and boey... the bus was real hot today. but i slept soundly because i was really very tired. when i reached the interchange i saw er ge there. he fell sick. quite bad. so he went straight to the doctor's but it wasn't open at that time. so in the end he came back up first. nothing significant happened after that until i went back to my comp and saw that a few people had messaged me when i was away. clarissa's birthday is coming soon. cannot publicise. confused as i do not know what to get for her or should i even get something for her. hmm, never mind, i hope inspiration will look for me. cause i really cannot think of anything to give to her. God! give me grace to read her mind somehow! anyway, the following lines have nothing to do with anyone. it is just a general fact. i found out that maybe i couldn't find the right one for me... it is always when i fall for someone, i find out how good she really is. and then i look at myself, saying, " she deserves someone better " and i would just start to think that i will waste her time... i do not know if it is true or not. but that is what i feel... anyway, if you have seen my nick name for today, it has an encoded message. the hint i am going to tell you is that it has something to do with backmasking. but of course, it does not contain any weird satanic messages. how i wish i could gaze up in the stars, and see the brightest one, telling her that " wee vol ia " but it is all just a dream... all just a dream... these few days i encountered rings. it gave me inspiration to share something with you guys. think of rings as a responsibility. be it family, relationships, religion, ecetera. most of the time, it is so easy to accept but it is so hard to give it up. just like the way rings are easy to wear but it gets stuck easily while you are trying to get it out... simple but yet deep. so always remember, whenever you want to wear a ring, think about the consequences before you act. i might be really pretty, but make sure it does not destroy you. responsibilities can make you stronger but could also pound you into dust. so always remember to take care of yourself and the people around you, making sure they are always perfectly alright...

with love,
~matt

2005-11-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

today is more of a good day for me. had a good night's sleep and woke up early! haha, so glad that i wasn't late. did not have breakfast today. so i went straight to yio chu kang MRT to wat for qi han. he was a little bit late because it was his first time. cannot blame him, if it was me, i might have been even later... so after i met with qi han, we went to yio chu kang community club together. when we reached, augustine wasn't there yet. but after awhile he came. there was nothing to do today. so throughtout my "wait" in the hall for the books, i had to do really dumb stuff... let me see, what did i do... at first just wanted to sleep. but then cannot fall asleep. then suddenly Nerissa called augustine and we started chatting, talking about the movie later. after she hung up, there was nothing to do again. so it was stoning session. until i started to make chars using cardboard boxes. it was really quite fun, besides, it was a way to reuse the boxes. i feel honoured to be green. what actually happened was that there was really nothing to do. so the students from another school, montford secondary, started throwing the cardboard boxes until the whole hall was in a total mess. really really messy. after that, the idea of making a chair came to me when i saw 2D people trying to lie on many cardboard boxes. but it kept falling. so by using the concept of "strength in numbers", i stuffed a lot of cardboard boxes together to make a chair. the final product was really good. i can even stand on it! anyway, when i was making them, the monfort people started to clean up after their sergeant scolded vulgarities at them. that was so so wrong... ok, then those cadets ( they are from NPCC ) started throwning all those cardboard boxes away... pure destruction, from the way they throw the boxes, using them as weapons against their friends, to the way they throw it into the bin. this will be what i think wll be happening at the end of days. total chaos, total destruction, friends killing friends. that will be such a gruesome and sad scene... talk about the idea of destruction versus creation. in my opinion, my actions were creation oriented while ther actions were more of destruction oriented. humans like to destroy things. especially things that are especially important to others. just look at the way timber industries treat forests. the houses of those pitiful animals are destroyed for the sake of our furniture, warmth, ecetera... it is just so wrong... humans are just so selfish. moving to something else, just before we left, i joined Xing Yun and company for a few games of Heart Attack, using poker cards. so after that 6 of us went to Yio Chu Kang MRT to meet Nerissa. special note to everyone out there, hwa chong guys are really shy when they meet girls, especially pretty ones, except for a small minority. so you could have guessed what happened. only augustine and i were talking to her. that is so not right. hwa chong guys should take more initiative. talk about gender roles. haha... so after that we went to orchard. we separated into two groups when we reached there. qi han's group of hwa chong guys. and nerissa's group of SLC enthusiasts. haha, sounds so weird. i think they went to mac donalds. we went to the food court at 4th level, forgot the name of it. nerissa and i had malay food. had nasi bryani to be exact. it costs $5!!! the cost price should be like a dollar plus. okay, maybe lets not talk about cost price, it costs less that $4 in bugis. and the portion is more. but nevermind, not that have a lot of money but, money s earthly matter, what is the point of putting it in such high regard. we cannot bring it to heaven for heaven's sake! pursue eternal matter, not earthly possessions. talking about that, might tell nerissa to join us for church. let her know a bit about Lord Jesus Christ. okay, moving back to the main story, actually the two groups were supposed to meet later for the 4.45pm show when jie comes. she has camp. breaking camp at 2.30pm. but what happened was that the hwa chong people went to catch the 2 pm show. haha... but actually i do not mind them going off though. no offence. so after lunch was window shopping session. mizuno shoes are really light and really expensive too... the best thing is that i can wear them to school. but still its too expensive. so... sob sob... after that i went to change into my track suit, wth singlet inside. my first time dressing like that, really hoped that it did not turn out that badly. so when jie came we met her at the MRT, she was so so shagged from the camp. you can see the weariness in her eyes. talking about eyes, jie had gone blind. she spoilt her spectacles. so she couldn't really see very far away. and her degree is 400+. so, you can imagine... when we reached lido, it was still too early, so we ordered fries to eat... so fattening, but there is nothing much you can do while waiting for a movie to start and having a mac donalds like not more than 10 metres away. augustine bought jasmine green tea for the ladies. but then jie doesn't drink green tea. she likes the hot, unsweetened ones. so augustine went to buy lemon tea for her. augustine kept treating us stuff today until he was really broke. and then Nerissa ( wan xin is much easier to call ) kept trying to return him the money, or from her point of view clearing away her coins, kept trying to stuff three one-dollar coins into his bag. all the way until even the movie was starting or had started. cannot remember. then augustine had no choice but to accept but truthfully speaking, she was really trying to empty her coins. we went to lido classic theater for the movie, we watched harry potter together. basically, it was quite good. but vague. very vague. so i am intending to get the book, or else wait for the uncut version. i hope it is more than 5 hours... after the movie i called godpa to see where he was, he wanted to pick me up and bought ramen for me to eat. wait. errata, my elder brother bought the noodles, my godfather fetched me. okay, that is at least what i remember... before that i accompaned them to the level 4 food court at wisma first. when my elder brother called me to wait for them at the taxi stand, jie and company were still waiting for seats. so have to leave them... augustine followed me down 'cause he had to draw cash. so after that i waited at the taxi stand for godpa. a while later they came and we went home. on the way home, we discussed about volunteerism. for me, i think that volunteering for cip hours is totally stupid and dumb. actually, the whole concept of volunteering for a cause except for love and compassion is totally wrong. this makes me rethink if i should get the $10 for volunteering in the NTUC thing... i think it is either i choose CIP or money. tough choice, but i have to make it sooner or later... i think i have to stop now, see you soon! bye...

withl love,

~matt

2005-11-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

today is the first of many days i did not wake up later than planned.great improvement for me. training was really cold today. it was raining non-stop. really dampened my moods. but nevertheless, still had to work hard for nationals next year. during running, chia jone beat me and i got second. somehow i deproved today. on water, took k2 wth jon hu at first. but later, he had a really bad leg cramp and couldn't paddle. so paddled with jon lee, who was at first paddling a k1. i really admire jon lee in a way. he is really grateful to Wei Chang. he remembers deeds that had been done to him. few people do it nowadays. when something good is given to you. most people would just say a thank you. soon later, they would just forget it as if it had never happened at all. but when it comes to bad stuff even when it is accidental, they would probably remember it for the rest of their life. we had to change our culture. as the saying goes. forgetting is human, forgiveness is divine. try taking little steps to go closer to God. and this is defintely a good way. a just found out that a lot of content in my recent entries had to do with religion. pardon me. after lunch, ivan and i went to take 961. it was pretty fast today. much faster than i had expected. throughout the whole trip, he was telling me about the outdoor pursuit camp he went for in new zealand. really sounded pretty impressive. but most probably i cannot go because of the cost of the trip. because of the AAR, i could not go for the NTUC volunteer session today. but t was the best and most insightful AAR i have ever been to. there were lots of suggestions and discussion, almost like a mini SLC. hehe. during the AAR, we talked quite a lot about culture of our year 1 juniors. being brought up by seniors like erik. we had a totally different experience. unlike them, our council duties were not as easy. culture is really very important. culture is a general term. most "good" schools in singapore are well known because of their history and rich culture. ths is perhaps the reason why i left catholic high. what i feel is that the new principal was changing too much things. the mission, vision and the structure of the school. he was just practically throwing away our heritage. throwing away the objective of catholic high. humans should learn to accept things. change is inevitable. as the saying goes, change is the only constant. however, many humans misunderstood the true meaning in that phrase. they think that since change is inevitable, they could initiate change. but solemnly speaking, humans should stop playing God. the only person that could control change should be God and him alone. this change by humans are against nature, against normality. we should let change take place, not stop it or start it. i agree that without unnatural changes, there are many things that we cannot do today. however, because of change, there are also more diffculties to face. did our ancestors have DOTA, LSD, drugs and cigarettes to get addicted too? no. everything has pro and cons. we should always keep in mind about causes and effects. i will stop writing for now. see you soon!

REMEMBER!

- everything has PROs and CONs

- always take note of the effects of your cause

- never throw away your own culture

- change is inevitable

- try not to go against nature

with love,

~matt

I am finally back.

2005-11-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

hey people, I know its been a long long time since i have posted. really sorry. must blame myself for my laziness. yup, i decided to change my skin. cause i felt i wasn't very lonely on this world after all. BUT i feel that i am a lonely artist. those two are BIG different stuff. anyway, much had happened throughout my absence. lets see.. the last time i posted was October. but then i was using the alias lonesome smiles. its time for me to change. and things around me have to too. it is inevitable, cold but yet also a form of sacrament. a way of giving
new life. advent is coming soon. and so it Christmas. and so is the new year. everything is happening too quickly. everything is flying me when i am in total oblivion. everyone is walking by me so quickly. as if the end of days were coming in a split second's time. the kingdom is at hand. but i don't see how we are going to join Jesus in heaven by doing stuff like rushing work and daily tasks. lay faithful nowadays do not even have time to spend with God. wait... that statement is totally false. when you want to spend time with someone, you definitely could. time is in your hands, although i goes just like that, you still have the right to choose what you want to use time really for. time is a constraint BUT it also acts like a gauge to see how much you are willing to sacrifice for someone you love. love no matter whether it is
friendship, boy-girl relationships, marriages, kids or God. so how much time do you spend with the people you think you love most? someday, when your heart is at ease and you might want to reflect on your relationships with your loved ones. try comparing the amount of time spent with your parents compared to time spent doing school related activities or going out with friends. shockingly, you might find out that the ratio is 2 or 3 is to 1 ( 2:1 or 3:1 ). that is what happened to me. now i really feel bad. cause the people that love me most in this world are the people that i neglect and take for granted most. i urge everyone to spend time more with your family. although you might think that friends might be more important at this age. please think again. your family are your roots, your beginning and end of life. you can escape but you can never ever deny. someday when you need someone to be beside you. perhaps you will know the feeling. perhaps time will tell i guess. this few weeks we had bloc outing. many many times. and i
really love and treasure the togetherness all of us share when we are together. one big family. although we might not be directly blood related. our bonds are real strong. but we still lack one crucial item. TRUST. few people really trust in the secrets society. i really trust them. but sometimes when they ask me questions, i might not be able to tell them right answers because i do not even have an answer. fiddle-minded, confused, whatever you call it. it just makes me distant to them. life can be simple BUT yet also so complicating. i will stop here for now. got to go sleep.

REMEMBER...
- spend more time with family
- trust your friends more
- pray for more faith, love and hope

with love
~matt

2005-10-24T21:09:00.000+08:00

hi people! long time no see eh... sorry, its either i was too lazy to
post or too busy... OH! that reminds me of another thing i have to
do... hmm, i think ill just do it later...
this few days two songs suddenly came across my mind and i decided to
post my version of one of them, hope you will like them, not very very
good standard though... its called heaven knows. WARNING! the highs
sounds really really bad.. especially the all the first "only heaven
knows" in the chorus and the "shaking inside" part. sorry... a lot
phlegm, made me sound like a chicken
stopped drawing mr lonelys for awhile... will start either today or
tomorrow but will not post unless someone requests for it. anyway, so
much happened these few days. so much that i couldn't remember what
happened actually. the only thing i remember is that training is
getting nearer plus my shoe is wearing out and dying... so i bought i
new shoe! muahaha!
this shoe rocks totally, the only thing is that it looks kinda poser...
hmm, yellow colour. cooool
REFLECTION for the day! time for this section of my blog, i would like
to tell everyone out there and also like to remind myself time and time
again
please! dont treat people, i emphasize, PEOPLE, as things and stuff..
will emphasize on my next blog...
anyway, the song can be got from me through email or msn, if you wanna
burst your ears, cyaaa soon

matt

arghhhh!!!! *screams THERE is a flying cockroah in my room!!!!

2005-10-05T00:21:00.000+08:00

okay pple, i got 2 minutes to write my blog. so today, nuthing much
happened cos i had nuthing to draw. if i had something to draw means
that something had happened today.
oh, i just remembered, i did drew something afterall, sighh...
xiaoyang was ostracized in class today again. yes, i stress the word
again, i am really starting to pity him. i mean, how would you feel if
you were him, with no one on your side, everyone just trying to attack
you in some way or another. it is not the first time he cried
already....
but anyway, if you really want the class to really forgive you, you
really gotta change for the better... i mean if you tease people and
others are fine with it, don't be so sensitive yourself.... this is not
just unfair to you but also to us do you know that, not that i am
trying to say that you are the one at fault. BOTH sides have their own
faults, so we should try our best to live in harmony, isn't that what
we were created for??
the past few days i've been drawing so many Mr Lonely but it seems i
have no time to import it it. Next time! i'll do it for you guys.
anyway, i am starting to feel real weird... i don't know why it is
happening to me but its just really weird... perhaps it is really very
hard to let go afterall. these days, when i see people who look just a
tinny-weenie bit like her, i would have a really strange feeling. i do
not know if its nervousness, anxiety or fear. but it just seems that i
got a lot of let going to do...

oh no! i maxed out my quota of 2minutes!!!
gotta go now, till the next time, byeee

STOP ALL THE HURTING, i feel sad about it myself!
~matt

so many things to say, so little time...

2005-10-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

hie everyone! really sorry i dint blog fer the past few days cos of my
busy busy schedule. so many things to do, so litttllle time. and so
many to tell you people, but yet again, i hoped there was 72 hours a
day. 24 hours to sleep, 12 hours to do work and school, 12 hours for
using comp, and 24 hours to be with the people that are so dear to me.
sometimes, do you think why there is even time, time that would
restrict all our actions. time that would cause misunderstandings due
to the fact that we have no time to communicate.... why, why, why
Lord???

violence is the worst abuse of human activity...

2005-09-30T00:04:00.000+08:00

hie EVERYONE,

the next time you meet your friends,i advise you to say "i love you"
and "i treasure you".. well its not because of that type of love. but
it is just the people around you that you have connections with. every
life on this earth is important, and special, very special, even if
every really dislikes him or her, he or she still has a cuter, nicer
side. just try and focus, and you'll get what i mean.. so remember, the
next time you see someone related to you, say you love him or her, as a
way of appreciating this gift of life.
seriously, violence is the worst abuse on this world. and i vouch for
that.
violence spreads into many sub-groups. these are some and try your very
best to avoid it, i am trying my best here too, you've got what it
takes to change this world! just start now. this is one of the
subgroups: (i would be sharing others subsequently)
VERBAL violence -- this is the most widespread and most used form of
violence, on the streets and even in school, you hear people, all sorts
of stupid people spouting stupid words. please, u can stop this
stupidity by yourself, you are the POWER, remember that. the power is
called influence. the reason why people are using such stupid words can
be shown in this equation:

more usage = "trendy" = "popular" = more stupid people using stupid
words

so, start changing the world starting from today, every attempt counts
=)

NOONE SHOULD BE DEPRIVED OF A CHANCE TO LIVE, GIVE THEM THIS CHANCE FOR
THEM TO CHANGE, GIVE THEM NEW LIFE...
think about it...

~matt

SELF-CONTROL is key.

2005-09-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

ahhh.... morning started BAD!!! cause i was disturbed by some kids on
the bus on my way to school.
for MANY hwachong pple, this forms a perfect and logical equation

"JOURNEY to SCHOOL == BEAUTY SLEEP"

yup, so i am telling everyone out there, if some hwachong guy is on the
bus in the morning, please, i appeal to you to keep your volume down,
THANKS!! all of us would be very very grateful to you!
it was supposed to be NYAA bronze award submission today, (NYAA is
national youth achievement award) so when i reached school, everyone
was practically stoning at their desks, copying from other pple... now
that wasn't a really good sight... then i realised i had to join the
crowd, but the person i need to copy from wasn't from my class, so i
tried looking for victor in 2F, but apparently it seems like he had
gone to 2B from what i heard from his friends.
sooo, went to find him at 2B,but instead of finding him there, i found
shao fei, whom i copied physical recreation from. it was supposed to be
jia wei but anything's fine.
i am gonna flunk my history test.. seriously... when i was studying
yesterday, it was almost like the paper looking at me. nothing really
went inside my head... and i forgot how to answer the questions!!! i
must have self-control for subsequent tests and refrain myself from
manga and anime...
during recess was pia NYAA session once more...
then LEEKS briefed us on NYAA, we got reprimanded really bad cos we
misbehaved really bad..
for chinese we had "pep talk" again.. or maybe it shud be called "crap
talk". i really like Mr. Tan, but sometimes he is really very funny.
=))
i got 45/80 for english assignment, thats very bad.... i hope i can do
better in the next assignment, or i am going to force myself to do
assessment books.

no time to blog liao, sorry people! but the message to reflect today is
"self control is KEY!!!"

always there, just look back, you find me there somehow,
~matt

forever is just a exaggerated term...

2005-09-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

hie everyone,
today is a good day. this is cause i had a bombardment of double-period
lessons but i don't feel bored or tired at all. that is almost
impossible. but i did it! so proud of myself. first up was double
english. We wrote an essay. There were 4 questions to choose from. i
forgot the rest of the questions, but i chose the one that says "
Imagine you are a mobile phone, talk about a typical day " there are
really many things you can write about when u place yourself in others'
shoes. but being able to tell a story for him isn't good enough. being
able to tell the story in his way. now thats hard. understanding others
isn't as easy as one might think. understanding others require much
patience, strength and also sacrifice. however, if you really love and
care about someone, you will not mind sacrificing for his or her sake.
love IS blind....
remember, when you want to understand the person, put yourself in his
shoes, and think like the real him, the him deep down below, and you'll
find the answer to the question. ANY question.
after recess was double maths. KHOOYAPKP is a great teacher, so
sleeping would be quite impossible in her lessons. HOWEVER! i found
myself unable to keep myself awake!!! oh noooooo.... sorry mrs Khoo...
at least i knew what she was trying to say. we learnt a little bit of
sine today. i get a little of it, now just have to wait till next week
when i will get to know more....
after maths was single GEOG, the only single lesson of the day...
hehe.. Mr. Lim have nuthing to teach oredi, so now he is becoming like
Mr AlvinTan, showing videos, but i find doing maths more meaningful, so
i decided to do maths homework and be "guai" but the fact is i have
oredi watched "The Day After Tomorrow". To all peoples out there! start
conserving and saving the environment or you are gonna regret it!
Okay, after the 10 minute break was double chinese, we were supposed to
do compo today, but in the end we went thru compre and summary.. after
that we had some riddles given by MR. TANgc. he is a great teacher
because he KNOWS how to speak. there are teachers who don't know how to
attract the attention of pupils, but somehow he can. must improve on my
chinese compre.... kaijun beat me.. =( no fair.. budden congrats to him
anyway.
after school was pizza time, it was a lunch appreciation session for
helpers and the OT of teachers day celebs, apparently i got so "malu"ed
cos i was the only helper, the rest was in the committee, except for
the emcees, but they are different... ate two pieces and went to admin
office to check up my report card mistake and found out there was no
mistake. the uncle there said if the score writes -1, it means u were
on MC and not that you failed or something.. after that i went back
home, on my 852 again...
slacked at home then started to rush out the year 1 levelday programmes
proposal.. until about now...

yup, that is what happened today.. GTG sleep cyaaa people real soon.

put yourself in others shoes, you'll find my footsteps there already...
~matt

yupp, I am FINALLY back!

2005-09-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

okay people, there is something worth to celebrate, i am blogging again!
whoppeee!!!
yupp, this few weeks didnt blog due to several reasons, one of em was
my very very bad fever, which made me cough and cough and...
AH!CHOOOOOO... *sniff* *sniff* ...yupp
today woke up rather easily again cos still got slight insomnia. yupp,
done the usual stuff, wake up, brush teeth and all the stuff and went
to take bus to interchange to take 852 to school. everything happened
like its soooooo normal. and it is. after reaching school, i alighted
the bus and talked with damien. and i told him that i only knew i was
the QM yesterday.... nooo LAGGGG.... school today was fine, Mr. Tan
guan chye as usual,is asking us "logical" questions still and Mr. Alvin
Tan is still as cuuute as ever. haha, he will always be. he could
almost be minime.... just imagine... okay.. he is not THAT short, but
he is still at least 153? okay, stop it with the teasing...
geog test was kinda hard, maybe cause i dint prepare well enough... it
is the first time i dint study past 1 am for geog... no wonder it seems
difficult this time round....
after that went right home, took 852 with kevin. i accidentally hear
the four girls at my right talking about battle royal. YES, its
B-A-T-T-L-E R-O-Y-A-L
i thought that was some super-violent japanese film about student
killing themselves.... bleah.. don't wanna think about it. later, a
girl tried to imitate Russel Peters.... and i thought guys are more
lame than girls.....
maybe ny girls are just different, i certainly hope so....
when i reached home, i watched some "unauthorized" TV. it's
unauthorized cos my mom actually told me to shower and sleep. but i
showered and TVed... feel sooo bad now... watched some weird UFO
investigation documentary.. *vomit* those aliens look weird....
this sets a question to ask ourselves, why are humans on a constant
search for a better-than-human being??? why does humans want to know so
much about what is happening outside out world? i mean, let God do
these type of stuff, why do you need to know so much?
more knowledge doesn't equate to a better understanding of life.
moreover, i feel that a better understanding of self leads to a better
understanding of what life is truly all about. can science do that? NO!
some things are just for God to know and for us to not find out you
know, although we are looking for all these things out there, have we
ever search the reasons why???? its time for WHY to come in, for us to
reflect why we are all doing this, living on earth and such stuff, by
the time i grow older, maybe my mind would be filled by all sorts of
corruption until i cannot see or think clearly. So, think now and make
a difference..

i am here
~matt

in school and almost bored to death...

2005-09-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

hie everyone... from my tone, you can noe thati am really bored now. in school to "do" robotics. but seems like i am not doing anything at all. nothing much special happened today. maybe it is cause i am too bored to think of anything....

kinda regretted coming down here....

at least if i was at home, i could sleep earlier or sumthing. then its like my friend is having lots of trouble now and needs sumone to talk to but i am not there.

very tired.... very cold..... very bored....

i belong to kallang, i belong to my paddle, i belong to my boat but why am i sick...

haiz~ part and parcel of life i guess.

~matt

accidents (and surprises) do happen...

2005-09-02T00:46:00.000+08:00

hello everyone.. quite a lot happened today...
morning woke up and ate breakfast with mama.. took bus to northpoint to
meet desmond there. i passed him his notes and he passed me some other
notes. after that went to schoolto have tuition by wen bo..
later found out that wen bo is only coming at 11.30... so waiting with
felix and ming yang. when wen bo finally came, its already 12+ haha...
yup. for lunch we went to bukit timah food centre. had mixed rice as
usual then had carrot cake shared among wen bo, ming yang and i.. alf
seems to be dieting or something. he dint really ate at all... hmmm...
after that went to KAP to study. i wanted to get drinks for everyone, i
asked them what they wanted then alf said he wanted slimming tea... so
i tried to find. then i found "JAPANESE TEA, NO SUGAR ADDED, DRINK AS
MUCH AS YOU LIKE" then i thought, this must be the one =)).. and i
bought it. when i brought it up, they were like stunned... in the end i
drank it myself... haha.... ooops, maybe i misintepreted alf.
jie called and asked if we shud hav a outing soon. but we discussed
until we had a caucus that maybe now is not the time =(... but Carol's
this saturday art thingy can be a mini gathering ;P
slept thruout the way home... really tired. yay! i helped a blind guy
back home today =)
i think i saw him before, but that time there was already someone
helping him so i didn't help him. as we were chatting, he asked me
about my school. then he seemed to have memories of it. he still told
me it was a private school. then i told him now its a independent
school already. then he mumbled that he could see last time. actually i
was quite shocked at first. maybe he didn't want me to hear it... so i
asked what happened. then i asked was it an accident? then he said
"yes" and started murmuring again... cant really hear him but tried my
best to empathise with him... shud not hav asked him about the accident
though...
this rang a bell in my mind.... accidents could happen to anyone,
anytime, anywhere. so NEVER take life for granted. live every second of
your life to the fullest. at least when an accident really happen, you
know you had lived to your fullest and would have no regrets. but thats
what life is all about, every new difficulty in life marks a new
beginning, a new chapter in your life. and without these adversities,
you wont be able to grow up... dont you think so??
hence, always remember that your life is very precious but yet also
very fragile. HANDLE with CARE =)

surprises could also happen anytime, to anyone, anywhere. just like the
project superstar winner kelvin. against all odds, he won it. however,
i have a strong feeling soon there wll be some media brawl about
this... but this is a chance to show others that even though he is so
called "handicapped", he is still able to fulfill his dreams. so
whenever you feel that your dream is that far away, this about him..

time to reflect =)
~matt

got a new hp =)))

2005-08-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

hullo everyone! got a new hp! ask me for number.... cos this is
internet and evryone could access...
in a high mood today!
presentation went well too!

in the mood,
~matt

its easier to escape... but its the wrong way out

2005-08-30T23:04:00.000+08:00

woke up rather early today again...
the fieldtrip to sungei buloh wasnt good... =(

it rained.

so we were hugging our bags over there at the benches stoning and
sleeping...
returned to school to do the main architectural design of the
environmental lab. ours is dome shaped. kewlll
orientation briefing was GREAT except it wud have been better with a
"whoosh".
now brainstorming for a likely theme....
tmr is presentation for njrc... pray hard.

nuthing much to write today...
but i dunnoe if i shud still hand in my young gentlemen's award form...

~matt

a lot of things happened today... A LOT

2005-08-29T23:48:00.000+08:00

yup, quite a lot of things happened today. well, to start it off, i
woke up at 5.30 am, to hand in overdue homework to mrs. jaya, maybe its
because of guilt.. maybe of fear... hmmm, don't really noe it myself.
saw her at the table. then i was like "OMG!!! am i gonna get scolded or
sumthing?" heaved a sigh of relief when she just spoked to me with her
good ol' tone. 2e pple will noe that tone.... yup, that one. the nice
one.
then when i wen tback to class,i found out i was lagging again. i found
out it was idp... and we didn't have to bring all the studying stuff..
argghh...
yup, later went down to present prizes to school during flag raising.
SCGS girls came for exchange program.. u noe its kinda hot in the
morning, and i was already perspiring ... they were wearing blazers. i
bet they were really feeling uncomfortable... sorry SCGS girls, on
behalf of my school =P
iDp was kinda boring but have to stay focused in accomplishing every
task. i made a pact with you... remember my dear blog?
i got a feeling i will flunk my science this time if i don't study...
must really pia... missed the whole of last week because of coughing...
being sick really isn't good at all.... cant do this ... cant do that.
after school was proed emergency meeting, actually it was just some
meeting to ask who want to volunteer themselves for the storytelling
sessions held at taman jurong cc. but due to schedule clash and
transport difficulties, i am unable to help. sorry alf...
after that i went for lunch with qi han and pals. qi han and i are
really getting really close.. becoming really close friends.. i hope
this relationship could last a long long time. we are just so similar.
somehow... =)
after that was teacher's day pre-event briefing... nothing much
actually, i was just in-charge of marking the attendance.
i don't wanna be a guard!!! no!!! its against human rights!! violation
of human freedom! i don't wanna do it. so maybe... qi han and i
will.... havent thought of any ideas yet... but don't you think so,
guarding those fellow schoolmates means many things. firstly, you dont
trust them, secondly, it breaks the holy rule of freedom God gave us.
However, there has to be one that must be the "bad" person. like in yan
han's case during slc. really emphatise with her... but it is really a
very brave act. a selfless act.
after that i went to play chapteh with qi han, zhong han and boey.
well, its actually my first time "really" playing..i was really very
lucky.. God's gift. started really well in my first try. i even created
a stance. but it always misses... argghh.. haha.. chapteh was never
that fun before. thanks to the three of them!
after that went to bot room to slack,play big 2, which was really
wrong... dont learn. and returned library books.
then after slacking abit more.. just went home. yup, thats about it. my
phone no money already... bleah...

bus trip was a very bad experience. u noe sometimes although the bus
has a lot of people and u really try to take the least space... but you
see people just standing there, waiting for a seat. they are
practically depriving others of a chance to even board the bus.. how
selfish.. i was really very angry... really just cannot stand those
type of people. sometimes people should just think that they are
others. but they dont! many singaporeans don't! i really hope and kiasu
thing stops in my generation as we mature.

maybe thats the best way to understand someone, to put him or her in
your shoes, face a same situation. only then you would understand him
or her better.

thats about it for today..
always there for you
~matt

busy days better. i NEED more self-control.

2005-08-28T00:30:00.000+08:00

these days are really busy. so i got to apologise to mrs. jaya.... i am
not boycotting you by not handing in homework. i am busy doing stuff
for wen bo and the robotics team... i really hope she understands this
time. maybe she understands all along.. maybe she cared... but maybe i
am sure i misintepreted it somehow. these few days have been really
busy and hectic. yesterday just handed in njrc journal and research.
ours was packaged in a pipe, with a2 sized paper in it... Cresent
robotics pple are really extreme, they made a well. yes, a WELL, with
the retractable rope thingy and some replica of a newater storage
tank... pure hardwork. =)

yesterday wen bo fetched us all the way back home
from science centre to admiralty to yishun and then to hougang. he
treated us. the fare? 29.something... omg...
anyway, thanks wen bo
and i really like the pipe that we made, really original...
anyway, today woke up really late and went to see doctor. relatively
late compared to my parents...
after seeing physician Cao, went to school cos i left something
important there. when i reached, sec 1s, jerrold and wen bo there liao.
yup then started slacking there and helped jerrold upload his webbie.
for lunch yaolei, carlos, wen bo, jerrold and me went to bukit timah
food centre. i ate mixed rice and red bean soup. yummy.

after going home, ate dinner and started using comp until now...
must finish english assignment, must not let mrs. jaya down!!

THANKS everyone was there when i was down and sick =)

i am not alone with all my friends there, beside me.
---- [ tears of joy] ----
~matt

starting to blog again

2005-08-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

hi pple, going to start bloggin once more after a long long break.
my break consisted of competitions and a long boring term of flu...
bleah.
during this period of coughing, headaches and bodyaches, i would like
to thank many pple for their help and support
first on the list....

FAMILY!
especially mama who take cared of me these few days. she sacrificed a
lot for my sake. papa for all the advice and support. oh yah, the pi pa
gao too. all my brothers for their care and concern and mental support.

the other first on the list...

DESMOND
i really have to thank you alot.. during this time you really helped me
a lot. i dint tell you to help me get all my hw, but u did. million
thanks!

JIE
for giving me moral support and counselling (don't worry, i am
perfectly fine...)

EVERYONE ELSE
=)

but felt kinda lonely those few days though... everyone busy with their
own stuff..

today was slack day in school
robotics sabat was slacky.. thanks wen bo.
but i gotta do research.. bleh.
cant dissapoint wen bo this time...
then went out for movie with clarissa and sara
clarissa was kinda out of her mind today...
i dunnoe why though
charlie and chocolate factory was a great show.. but not touching
enough...
cya guys soon, gtg now

always there but are you there?
~matt

two "suicidal attempts", both failed... its not time for me to go yet God!

2005-08-15T22:50:00.000+08:00

today, jaya is attacking me again... i am gonna explode soon, i have no
idea why she has to push me so much. izzit because she has high
expectations of me? maybe. but i really cant tolerateit anymore. QUIT
council then quit. u forced me to. jaya, you make me cry.
last monday, got a cut on my left wrist, now got a cut on my right hand.
the cut today was kinda deep.. about 0.3 cm almost 2 cm long..
how i got it is a very very long story... but it is NOT a suicide
attempt...
somehow, i just missed my acupoint by like 0.5 cm... phew..
it might be a signal from God above, it might be a time of risks and
anxiousness, but not yet death.
arhhhgg.. joseph is our coach.. i thought it was cher..
dunnoe whether that is good news or bad news.. joseph is kinda slacky
though..
cant draw.. cause of my right hand. dont worry, mr lonely will be back
soon.
feel low... feel like bursting into tears.. but i dont noe why...
everyone is very bz nowadays.. jie! jia you =)
i shall give out my happiness to my max.
learnt a very important lesson today, SHARE. if i just shared, wouldn't
have got a cut.
remember to share your joys, smiles, pains, tears, love

i feel hurt... by many pple, including my form teacher..
~matt
still lonely.

sry pple.. busy nowadays.

2005-08-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

hello pple, busy these days, so no time to write. somemore got amnesia,
so cant write stuff after the day itself. today woke up with sores all
over my body, must be the heritage trail.. attended 10.15am mass today
with fabian and bryan. as usual, fabian was crapping. cat class was
okay. teacher ignatius talked about the hungry ghost festivals and his
happenings.. after that went to take bus home. then i decided to talk
with clarissa. so,we ended up talking under her blck for quite a long
time. after that i went home and slept.... woke up, did my english
assignment.... days are getting boring. hope someone could brighten up
my life. i finally realised... she isnt the one... =( should have
just stuck to destiny and fate.... ='|. remorse,but i cant do anything.
nothing is gonna happen when only one hand wants to clap... its time to
move on....

my heart is broken, but yet i feel so relieved...
~matt

cut my hair

2005-08-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

yup, i forgot to tell ya guys that i've cut my hair. after long coaxing
by my form teacher who said my hair looked like some 60's singer's
hairstyle =s.
cut until kinda short.. makes my head look very BIG. argghh.. so ugly.

^ hair gone, BIG head left.

woke up late today. sorry san ge (my third brother, raphael) ! dint noe
that i need 15 minutes of ringing before i could wake up =P.
on the bus cant sleep too.. too shaky. very tireeddd... for english we
did crossword puzzle, lit lesson was the usual stuff, revising fo the
test next week. got 22/25 for assignment =)
during math lesson i was punished for saying the word "w*h l*o" well..
its not really a bad word but my teacher doesnt like it. but it was
kinda good to do some exercise in class..hehe 11 pushups.
chinese did compo. kaijun and i realised we did it pretty quickly. so
we played tic-tac-toe for about 10+ minutes.
we had our last science practical today =(
Mrs. Chua is the best science module teacher! undisputed! well...
besides GOHYY of course, but she is better.
chemistry test got 34.5/40 =) yayness.
after school went to college to eat. saw marcus. MARCUS! as in my
canoeing senior. he just came back to singapore yesterday. from
hungary! he represented singapore! so zai.. wish i could be like him.
haha, he joked saying he would give me 'secret' training! haha, hope so
but he is kinda busy though. very very zai senior... muz become like
him =)
during aep we rendered the animations. then halfway through weets,
jonathan and i went to the library to watch movies. the movie was
"taxi".. kinda vulgar and obscene though.. we dint complete it. so
weets and i wud be meeting again tmr afternoon to finish the movie.
i designed a new mr lonely! my draft:

^ part 1 draft. ^ part 2 draft.

recently, there was this uproar of bad neighbours. quite immature dont you think so? i think that the way to solve this problem is thru giving in and acceptance. Acceptance is very important when you live next to another person, always remember! Giving in is equally important. give in when you can. even if it doesnt benefit you, just dont go to the extent that harms you. remember! hope these words help you in having better relations with your neighbours, no matter where! and last point, ALWAYS GIVE A SMILE! =)

always there for you,
~matt

2005-08-10T22:53:00.000+08:00

holidays...

sometimes holidays are days of rest,but sometimes, they are kinda boring. almost like staring at the ceiling for the whole day on your bed. you love it or hate it. hmmm... nothing much happened today. =( sorry pple! nothing to write.

^ holidays are either exciting or lonely..

bored and lonely,
~matt

my FIRST lonely comic completed!

2005-08-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

^ the first mr lonely comic.
COMMENTS PLEASE! =)

2005-08-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

ifs and changes...

that day i passed by chelsea's blog. i dont think i was supposed to know the site though..
one of her posts was "If only...." kinda long, so i dont wanna write it down. she says on the last line, "if only there was no ifs" i think you get the sentence. however, without all the "ifs" there wont be changes, and the only constant is change. so can you imagine a world without "ifs", without change? can you imagine such a dead world?? i wont be able to live there. if there are no ifs, scientists could not have made up hypotheses. without ifs, the world will never be the same anymore..
COMMENTS PLEASE! =)

^ change is the only constant..

living in this ever-changing world.
~matthew

the most important thing..

2005-08-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

have you ever thought what is the most important thing in your life?
it might be your friends, your family, your precious pet dog. it might be anything.
but for me, i think its love.
don't blame me for being mushy. but its the truth, dont you think so?
love comes in many forms, friendship, parental love, bgr and many more.
without love, there won't be today, there won't be earth!
God created humans out of love! we are born of love! so lets give love to others! =) CHARITY! remember to help others when you can!spread the love, give more and take less =)
COMMENTS PLEASE! =)

^ the most important thing in life. L-O-V-E. spread it

breathing love-filled air,
~matt

friendship. what is is all about?

2005-08-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

was watching TV. then i came across this cartoon. the character inside said "True friendship occurs only when you see what is in the inside" Very true rite? i think so. friendship is very important. friends are the people you look for when you are in need, when you are desperate, when you are happy and sad. true friends are people who stick with you during your ups and downs. they are the pple you will look for when you know you need someone trustworthy. friends are like guardian angels, guiding you all through your journey. someone who will always be there for you - me.
COMMENTS PLEASE! =)

^ true friendship happens only when you see the heart.

your friend,
~matt

friendship.

2005-08-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

today is national day!
happy birthday Singapore.
but i hate crowds. bleah... so prefer to stay at home.
woke up at around 10, then read newspaper till around 11.
after that i had breakfast with dad.
and then watched TV for almost the whole day.
dint eat lunch. later godpa and godma came and brought me to northpoint
to buy groceries. i went there also because i need to get new resources
for my blog. pencils. running out of pencils. gotta buy more to draw or
else this blog is no longer special anymore. =) dont you think so?
when we came back, godpa started cooking.
suddenly, clarissa called. she said there was an "emergency". well,
that "emergency" was that she needed someone to take the goodie bags
cos she has 4. haha so greedy ah. so, i went down and rushed towards
the tent where she should be at. i found her. but she was talking to
her friend, so i tried to get her attention by going somewhere she can
spot me. then she gave me the light sticks. this indian guy came up and
asked me "Where did you get so many of those light sticks?" he said it
quite an angry tone, i guess many people stole it or sumthing, it kinda
frightened me though. then i said it was from my friend. then he said
"Who?" then i was like, er... why you want to know? you expect me to
tell you her name? there was nothing wrong with that but i dont think
you know all your volunteers rite? then i said, "My friend" and pointed
towards the npcc volunteers. then he just walked away. ~phew, angry
threat gone..
yup, then later we walked to her block, and i was the servant, carrying
all the 4 bags.. haha.. it was voluntary though. then she brought up
the bags. i waited under her block. after that we walked round yishun
reservoir 3 times, talking. dont think dirty. she has a bf oredi. then
i went home.
for dinner we had u-don in chicken stew and baked macaroni ( my godpa's
new speciality ) YUMMY =)
the fireworks were pretty although this was the second time i saw it
cos they also displayed it during a rehearsal.
cant remember what happened after that.
later i will talk about the stuff i "learnt" when i was watching TV...

catch ya pple really soon

~matt